It's October 19th, and The Rizzuto Show is back with another spectacularly unhinged funny podcast featuring Rizz, King Scott, Moon, Lern, Rafe Williams, and the usual collection of stories that make St. Louis morning radio feel like a group therapy session nobody agreed to attend.
Moon is out for the day, but Rafe is back from his big Michigan adventure, and he's brought home two things: unforgettable memories and an absolutely magnificent blonde mullet wig.
The hair is punishment for last week's NFL picks, but somehow Rafe looks disturbingly comfortable wearing it. Lern thinks he can pull off any hairstyle. Rizz thinks it looks surprisingly natural. And Rafe has an important meeting with a potential client later in the day.
Nothing says professional confidence quite like walking into a business meeting looking like you sell fireworks out of a Camaro.
But the wig is only the beginning.
Rafe spent the weekend in Ann Arbor performing with St. Louis comedy favorites the Sklar Brothers, and the trip turned into the kind of college football experience that makes regular people question why they bothered going to school for an actual education.
The shows at Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase were a hit, but the real adventure happened when Rafe got an inside look at the University of Michigan football program.
We're talking luxury facilities, massive indoor practice fields, personal massage chairs in the players' lockers, cold-plunge recovery areas, private barbers, golf simulators, bowling alleys, and enough high-end food to make a five-star resort look like a gas station.
Rafe even walked away with Michigan Jordans and a jacket.
Apparently, the secret to getting free expensive clothing is knowing the right comedians and wandering around a college football facility looking sufficiently impressed.
Then came the Michigan–Penn State homecoming game at the Big House.
Rafe got to go onto the field, help hold the famous Michigan banner, and run through the tunnel just before the football team. For a guy attending his first major college football game, that's a pretty ridiculous introduction.
He also caught a football during warmups, considered auditioning as a 48-year-old freshman long snapper, and spent a suspicious amount of time hoping Bob Seger might appear somewhere in Ann Arbor.
And let's not forget the buffets.
There were multiple buffets.
There was brisket, pulled pork, mac and cheese, desserts, and enough food to make Rafe seriously consider performing his stand-up shows from a seated position.
The crew also dives into the wild world of college football money, NIL deals, transfer portals, luxury cars, and what happens when an 18-year-old athlete suddenly has access to more cash than most people will see in several lifetimes.
From there, it's time to check in on everybody else's weekend.
King Scott shares a family road trip to Springfield, Missouri, which somehow becomes a passionate discussion about Chinese food, Springfield-style cashew chicken, and whether the city's restaurants have quietly been embarrassing the St. Louis Chinese food scene for decades.
The gang also debates America's most boring highways, including the seemingly endless stretches between Kansas City and Colorado, drives through Nebraska, and those soul-crushing road trips where the scenery consists entirely of cornfields, truck stops, and the same McDonald's every 40 miles.
Lern shares her Monroe County date night, including dinner at Thai House in Columbia, Illinois, drinks at Old Monroe Distilling Company, and the temptation to wander into somebody else's wedding.
Because apparently enjoying your own evening isn't enough when there's a perfectly good reception happening nearby.
The crew also recaps Greek Fire's big return to Delmar Hall, where Moon and the band delivered a theatrical rock show featuring new music, impressive production, and a stage setup that had the crowd talking.
Rizz and Lern loved the performance, but Rizz's evening almost got derailed before he even arrived.
First, a listener named Melissa gave him a Fugler, one of those aggressively ugly little collectible monsters that somehow becomes adorable if you stare at it long enough.
His wife Amelia immediately fell in love with the thing and spent the night making videos with it.
Which turned out to be excellent timing, because Amelia had just survived a restaurant experience that nearly sent her into full customer-service combat mode.
At an unnamed upscale restaurant, Rizz discovered a 20% service fee added to the bill.
Rizz wanted to know where the money was going, whether it benefited the employees, and why the restaurant couldn't simply build its costs into the menu prices.
Amelia wanted answers.
The waiter wanted everyone to please avoid writing a review.
And the entire experience became a heated discussion about hidden restaurant fees, tipping, transparency, and why customers shouldn't need a law degree to understand a dinner check.
The gang debates whether service charges are becoming the newest restaurant scam, how they affect servers, and why Rizz refuses to name the establishment.
Meanwhile, Amelia demonstrates her apparently supernatural ability to get businesses to address legitimate complaints.
Rafe immediately wants her to call his student loan provider.
Honestly, worth a shot.
Then things get a little darker as the crew discusses a tragic incident involving a priest in Ecuador who was reportedly killed when a large crucifix fell during a livestreamed church service.
The gang reacts to the shocking story and debates the strange expression died doing what he loved, with Lern and Rizz having very different interpretations of what that actually means.
Back in St. Louis, there's another important seasonal warning:
The deer are in heat.
It's rutting season, which means deer are moving around more aggressively, crossing roads unexpectedly, and apparently making some very questionable romantic decisions.
Joey Chestnut came to St. Louis and absolutely demolished an eight-pound deep-dish pizza.
The competitive-eating legend visited Salvage Yard Bar and Grill to take on its Junkyard Dog Challenge: finish an enormous eight-pound pizza in 45 minutes.
Joey finished it in 12 minutes and 6 seconds.
TWELVE MINUTES.
EIGHT POUNDS.
Some people can't even decide what toppings they want in that amount of time.
Rizz is appropriately impressed by the man he considers the greatest competitive eater of all time, and the gang marvels at the sheer physical insanity required to consume that much pizza without immediately requesting an ambulance.
From Rafe's mullet punishment and his VIP Michigan football adventure to Springfield cashew chicken, Greek Fire's Delmar Hall comeback, mystery restaurant fees, horny Missouri deer, and Joey Chestnut's stomach-defying pizza performance, The Rizzuto Show #225 is packed with funny stories, weird news, local St. Louis entertainment, and the sarcastic humor that keeps this whole circus moving.
This funny podcast is proof that you can start a Monday discussing college football luxury and somehow end up debating restaurant bills, deer romance, and the digestive capabilities of a competitive-eating superhero.
Join Rizz, Lern, and Rafe for another installment of this funny podcast where the hair is fake, the pizza is very real, and apparently nobody in the studio knows how to have a normal weekend.
And remember:
If you lose your football picks, you might have to wear a mullet.
If your restaurant bill includes an unexplained 20% fee, ask questions.
And if Joey Chestnut challenges you to a pizza-eating contest, just pay for his dinner and go home.
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