What if criminals only robbed other criminals? Who's listening through your shopping apps? And how did Prince end up in a pillow fight with Sinéad O'Connor?
Welcome to another episode of The Rizzuto Show, the funny podcast where one terrible hypothetical can derail an entire morning and nobody seems particularly interested in getting the train back on the tracks.
Rizz, Moon, Lern, and Rafe are back in the studio with a fresh batch of weird news, celebrity gossip, rock music updates, St. Louis stories, and questions that probably should've stayed inside somebody's head.
Today's chaos begins when Rafe sends Rizz a viral video asking a truly unhinged question: Why don't criminals just rob registered sex offenders instead of innocent people?
The internet apparently believes it has discovered a loophole in the criminal justice system. The crew debates the ridiculous premise, Rafe invents an increasingly elaborate Liam Neeson-style hostage scenario, and everybody repeatedly reminds listeners that breaking into someone's house is, in fact, a crime.
Yes, even when your imaginary movie plot makes it sound convenient.
But the conversation takes a much stranger turn when Lern decides to investigate the sex offender registry around her neighborhood.
What follows is a spectacularly uncomfortable live rabbit hole.
Lern discovers just how much information is available through online registry maps, Moon warns her that she's about to ruin her own day, and Rafe predicts she's going to turn her house into a detective headquarters complete with red string and an evidence board.
The gang discusses neighborhood safety, the unsettling details that appear in public records, and why knowing what's around you can be useful without turning every evening into an episode of Criminal Minds.
And somehow, a discussion about public safety turns into the crew examining one particularly bizarre physical description in a registry listing.
We would explain more, but some things are better left to the actual audio.
Then the conversation shifts from neighborhood surveillance to your phone potentially surveilling you.
Missouri's attorney general has announced a lawsuit against Temu, alleging serious problems involving consumer data, tracking, privacy, deceptive pricing, and counterfeit merchandise.
The crew discusses the accusations, the dangers of suspiciously cheap shopping apps, and whether a $4 dress is really a bargain when it arrives looking like a napkin with sleeves.
Rafe shares a story about someone ordering a couch that turned out to be practically dollhouse-sized. Moon talks about his kids discovering the joys of cheap online clothing, and Lern admits she's already suspicious that her messaging apps are listening to conversations that nobody should ever hear.
Nothing says modern technology like wondering whether your phone knows too much about you while you're trying to buy a discount lamp.
Next, it's time for Crap on Celebrities, where rock history, Hollywood rumors, and entertainment news collide.
First up: Sonic Temple 2027.
The festival is adding bands including Primus, Clutch, and Crowbar, which gives Rizz an opportunity to confess his newfound obsession with Clutch. After years of somehow missing the band, he's convinced they'll dominate his Spotify listening recap.
Better late than never. Especially when you're several decades late.
The crew also discusses reports that Led Zeppelin's “Stairway to Heaven” is being used in a trailer for Greta Gerwig's upcoming Chronicles of Narnia adaptation.
Considering how difficult Zeppelin music has historically been to license, the gang wonders what finally convinced everyone to open the vault. Maybe Robert Plant is secretly a huge Narnia guy. Stranger things have happened.
Then comes one of the episode's strangest celebrity stories.
A new book revisits Sinéad O'Connor's account of an alleged confrontation with Prince, including her claim that an encounter at his home involved a pillow fight that turned hostile.
The crew can't get past the pillow-fight detail.
Rizz imagines Prince loading his pillowcase with something considerably less fluffy, Moon debates the singer's physical stature, and the whole conversation inevitably wanders toward Dave Chappelle's legendary Prince basketball sketch.
Meanwhile, Guns N' Roses are reportedly looking toward studio work after touring, although the gang struggles to remember the band's recent songs.
In more somber rock news, the show remembers David Surkamp of St. Louis band Pavlov's Dog, discussing his distinctive voice, the group's local legacy, and its international following.
The celebrity roundup keeps moving with Kelsey Grammer's reported new medical drama, a strange allegation involving Jennifer Aniston and an embarrassing gift, and discussion of serious allegations against Russell Brand.
The crew also spots a familiar St. Louis face: Scott Bakula at a St. Louis CITY SC match.
Rafe remembers the old STL Up Late crew's running dream of getting Bakula to appear on their show. Sadly, the Quantum Leap star never materialized out of thin air.
Apparently time travel has its limits.
Then it's awards season for the most important honor nobody can adequately explain.
Anthony Edwards' satirical Believe That Awards are back, and the crew debates Justin Bieber being named White Boy of the Year.
Rizz makes the case for Tom Holland. Moon considers Erling Haaland. Travis Kelce enters the conversation. Nobody agrees on the criteria, which feels appropriate for an award show that also includes a category called the Bring Your Ass Award.
Rizz wants to win that one.
He just needs somebody to explain what it means first.
There's also talk of a Mike Tyson documentary that gets Rizz unexpectedly emotional, celebrity birthdays, and the usual assortment of entertainment trivia that somehow produces more questions than answers.
Along the way, the show continues its October fundraising efforts for Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital, thanking local sponsors and highlighting opportunities to support the cause, including Greek Fire's upcoming show at Delmar Hall.
Because even this crew occasionally manages to do something productive between bad jokes.
From a completely ridiculous vigilante robbery debate to online privacy scares, rock legends, St. Louis music history, celebrity controversies, and award-show nonsense, Episode 12 has the strange stories and sarcastic humor that keep The Rizzuto Show gloriously off the rails.
If you like a funny podcast that can jump from neighborhood safety to tiny couches to Prince's alleged pillow-fighting techniques without missing a beat, you've found your people.
It's weird news, celebrity chaos, and St. Louis comedy all wrapped up in one funny podcast.
And for the record: please don't rob anybody. The legal department would like at least one peaceful morning.
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