A Red Baron employee finally snaps at an internet prankster, 1994 makes a convincing case for being the greatest year in alternative rock history, and Rafe Williams writes a play about George Washington secretly being Martha Washington. Welcome to Friday on The Rizzuto Show. We're sorry, America.

It's another spectacularly chaotic Friday in St. Louis as Rizz, Moon Valjean, Rafe Williams, and King Scott tackle viral meltdowns, bizarre crime stories, rock music nostalgia, giant pickup trucks, flying cars, celebrity gossip, and a business idea so ridiculous it could only come from this crew: Pee at the Pump.

Lern is off to Chicago, Scott is dressed like a salad, and everybody else is doing their absolute best to make this funny podcast sound like a legitimate morning radio program.

Results are mixed.

The Red Baron employee who became everybody's hero


First up, a viral video from Michigan has the entire internet rallying behind a hardworking Red Baron frozen pizza employee named Walt.

While stocking pizzas at a grocery store, Walt is approached by teenage pranksters who pretend to steal money from his phone using a fake Apple Pay sound.

What starts as another obnoxious social media prank quickly becomes something much more emotional.

Walt explains that he's exhausted, working long hours, struggling to pay his mortgage, and missing time with his four kids. He doesn't have the energy to become somebody else's viral content.

And honestly, neither do the rest of us.

The crew listens to the confrontation, discusses why harassing strangers for views has become such an irritating trend, and celebrates the reported response from people who recognized themselves in Walt's frustration.

According to the figures discussed on the show, an online fundraiser had already collected approximately $335,000 from more than 9,000 donors.

That's a pretty incredible turnaround for a guy who was just trying to put frozen pizzas in a freezer.

Naturally, the conversation also becomes a debate about where Red Baron ranks against Tombstone, Totino's, and the rest of America's frozen pizza royalty.

Because even an unexpectedly touching human-interest story must eventually become an argument about dinner.

1994: The year alternative rock grew up


Moon has been arguing for years that 1994 was the greatest year in alternative rock history, and Rizz finally brings the receipts.

Inspired by a video from Tim of Kicking Harold, the guys revisit an astonishing run of albums that helped define the sound of the '90s.

Green Day's Dookie. Soundgarden's Superunknown. The Offspring's Smash. Weezer's Blue Album. Stone Temple Pilots' Purple. Live's Throwing Copper. Oasis' Definitely Maybe. R.E.M.'s Monster. Korn's debut. Pearl Jam's Vitalogy. Bush's Sixteen Stone.

And somehow, that's not even the whole list.

Moon remembers what it felt like to grow up in St. Louis as 105.7 The Point was helping introduce listeners to a wave of music that would dominate alternative radio for decades.

Rizz makes the case for 1991 as another legendary year, and the crew debates whether anything could match the sheer volume of classic songs released in 1994.

Then comes the emotional damage.

The guys discover that bands like Green Day, Foo Fighters, Blink-182, Weezer, Korn, and The Offspring are increasingly being labeled dad rock.

That's right. The bands that once made your parents nervous are now apparently the soundtrack to mowing your lawn.

Congratulations on surviving the '90s. Your reward is lower back pain and music that qualifies as nostalgia.

The crew also digs into the surprising history of legendary rock artists who never reached number one on the Billboard Hot 100, proving that being iconic and winning the charts aren't necessarily the same thing.

America's deadliest trucks and the future of flying cars


Next, Rizz introduces a study examining the danger gap between how well certain vehicles protect their own drivers and the risks they pose to other people in collisions.

The discussion centers on enormous pickup trucks like the Ram 3500, Chevy Silverado 3500, Ram 2500, and Ford F-150 SuperCrew.

Rafe remembers driving a tiny Mazda pickup without power steering, Moon explains why his wife prefers a giant SUV, and Rizz makes it clear that he appreciates having a little extra metal between himself and the rest of traffic.

The crew debates whether oversized trucks are making American roads safer or simply turning every smaller vehicle into an unwilling participant in a demolition derby.

Then the conversation moves from dangerous vehicles on the ground to potentially dangerous vehicles in the sky.

Would you actually ride in a flying car?

Rizz is interested.

Moon is deeply skeptical.

Rafe wants to know whether we're talking about a real flying car or something straight out of Back to the Future.

The guys also discover a flying glider inspired by the Green Goblin from Spider-Man, revisit the obscure 1980s cartoon The Flying House, and wonder whether humanity should really be developing airborne automobiles before figuring out how to make ordinary driving less miserable.

A murder suspect, a cheesesteak, and the strangest negotiations imaginable


The weird news keeps coming with a story involving a murder suspect and a cheesesteak deal.

Because apparently even a serious criminal investigation can somehow become a conversation about lunch.

The gang digs into the absurdity of a food-related negotiation, reminding everyone that the real world continues to produce stories no comedy writer would dare pitch.

It's exactly the kind of unusual news that makes The Rizzuto Show feel less like a traditional morning talk show and more like four guys trying to figure out whether reality has finally become a parody of itself.

Introducing Pee at the Pump


And just when you think the discussion about transportation has reached its logical conclusion, the crew begins designing the gas station of the future.

Moon imagines a world where your vehicle knows you're hungry, orders food ahead of time, arranges your fuel stop, and has everything ready when you arrive.

Rizz likes the convenience.

Rafe sees an even bigger opportunity.

Pee at the Pump.

The concept is simple, horrifying, and probably one bad investor meeting away from becoming a real startup.

Why walk all the way inside a convenience store when you could have a tiny restroom stall right next to the gas pump?

The guys brainstorm how it would work, whether the stall would unlock only while you're pumping gas, and why convenience stores might not be thrilled about customers skipping the opportunity to buy roller dogs and overpriced snacks.

It's the sort of revolutionary thinking that makes you wonder why these men aren't running a Fortune 500 company.

Then you remember the actual idea.

George Washington in drag: The theatrical event nobody requested


Rafe's weekly In Memoriam returns with a performance that may be the greatest threat to American historical education since the invention of the internet.

After the crew previously joked that portraits of George and Martha Washington looked suspiciously alike, Rafe writes a fictional stage comedy called Mrs. Washington Fire.

The premise is that George Washington and Martha Washington are secretly the same person.

Moon plays Thomas Jefferson.

Rafe plays both Washingtons.

Rizz reads the stage directions.

And the entire production unfolds like Mrs. Doubtfire performed by a group of men who should absolutely not be trusted with the history curriculum.

There are suspicious costume changes, questionable accents, colonial makeup, and increasingly desperate explanations for why George and Martha are never seen together.

It's historically ridiculous, completely fictional, and exactly the kind of original comedy that makes this funny podcast impossible to explain to somebody who has never heard the show.

Rafe's In Memoriam also revisits Lern's expensive wellness retreat, the bizarre viral claim about a man addicted to humping the air, and the listener who described an alleged ghost that just wanted to cuddle.

Because apparently even ghosts can't find a healthy relationship these days.

Celebrity chaos, aging rock fans, and King Scott's vegetable punishment


The crew's Crap on Celebrities segment brings more entertainment gossip, including discussions about Star Trek, Hollywood nostalgia, movie memorabilia, and the possibility of another Austin Powers film.

There's also a tribute to the Star Trek performers whose reported deaths the show discusses, with Rafe delivering a Captain Kirk-style farewell that somehow manages to be heartfelt and sarcastic at the same time.

Meanwhile, King Scott continues paying the price for losing the NFL Pick'em challenge.

Thanks to Crushed Red, his mascot punishment has evolved from a giant toasted ravioli into an entire lunch menu.

Scott starts the day dressed as lettuce, with avocado and pizza costumes waiting in the wings.

The crew considers turning his costume changes into a three-course meal.

Scott considers how much longer he has to endure this humiliation.

And the listeners get another reminder that the Rizz Show's football predictions are about as reliable as its fashion choices.

Rizz's mysterious water damage becomes a paranormal investigation


To round out the chaos, Rizz has a very real homeowner problem: his kitchen's hardwood floors are buckling, moisture is collecting underneath them, and nobody seems willing to fix the issue until somebody else identifies the cause.

Moon suggests plumbers and restoration specialists.

Rafe sympathizes with the frustration of finding a contractor willing to tackle an unusual project.

Listeners send recommendations.

Somebody inevitably suggests Ghostbusters.

And Rizz becomes increasingly irritated that a serious home-repair question has turned into a discussion about a possible moisture ghost.

To make matters worse, King Scott starts offering advice while dressed like a giant piece of pizza.

Rizz is not taking plumbing recommendations from dinner.

St. Louis shows up for Cardinal Glennon


Amid the ridiculous stories and relentless roasting, the crew also celebrates the generosity of the St. Louis community.

Through October hat sponsorships, Hollow Weirdo sticker sales, and billboard events, listeners and local businesses have helped raise money for Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital.

Rizz reports that the fundraising effort appears to have passed $20,000, with the final total still being calculated.

It's a genuinely great reminder that underneath all the mascot costumes, terrible ideas, and sarcastic humor, this community knows how to show up when it matters.

From a viral Red Baron worker finally catching a break to the golden age of alternative rock, from dangerous pickup trucks to flying Green Goblin gliders, and from George Washington's imaginary double life to a gas station bathroom concept nobody should ever finance, this funny podcast is another gloriously unpredictable installment of The Rizzuto Show.

Hit play, crank up your favorite 1994 album, leave the frozen pizza employees alone, and remember: just because somebody can invent a flying car doesn't mean Rafe Williams should be allowed to invent a gas station bathroom.

And if you see a giant piece of lettuce walking around St. Louis, don't panic.

It's probably just King Scott.

Probably.

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