King Scott has officially become a five-foot-tall vampire toasted ravioli, somebody's Halloween candy bowl turns out to be an actual human skull, and a St. Louis car thief apparently discovers that all you have to do is ask nicely. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where common sense is optional and Halloween gets weirder by the minute.
Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast full of St. Louis weird news, Halloween chaos, dangerous childhood memories, questionable life decisions, and enough sarcasm to make a giant piece of fried pasta reconsider its career.
First up, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment continues with Mascot Week, and today's costume is an absolute St. Louis masterpiece.
Thanks to GO! St. Louis, Scott gets stuffed inside a massive toasted ravioli costume that's been transformed into Dracula Ravioli for Halloween. We're talking vampire teeth, a Dracula hairline, and a costume so enormous the crew starts measuring it in units of Lern.
Then the conversation takes a nostalgic turn as the crew remembers the most dangerous toys of the '80s and '90s.
Remember lawn darts? Those giant metal projectiles that somehow qualified as family entertainment?
Rizz remembers childhood science kits that included real scalpels and glass slides. Lern recalls the joys of trying to bake a cake with a light bulb before giving up and eating the batter. Rafe and Moon share stories about slingshots, homemade forts, and the questionable survival instincts of kids who grew up before everybody had a smartphone.
Rafe even admits he once tried to saw an escape hatch through his bedroom floor so he could sneak in and out of the house.
His dad eventually discovered the project because sunlight was coming through the floorboards.
Some kids wanted a treehouse. Rafe wanted a prison break.
The nostalgia spirals into stories about hiding inside cabinets, sleeping in toy chests, crawling through neighborhood brush, and turning practically every outdoor structure into a military headquarters.
Lern also brings up a debate from a recent women's retreat: Does keeping a baseball bat in your car make it look like a weapon unless you also carry a baseball glove?
Rizz shares one of the most ridiculous St. Louis car theft stories the gang has heard.
According to the story discussed on the show, a man approaches a downtown hotel valet, asks for the keys to a Rivian, and simply drives away when the employee hands them over.
No elaborate disguise. No high-speed getaway. Just the confidence of a guy who apparently thinks grand theft auto is a customer-service transaction.
A grown man dressed as a vampire toasted ravioli, childhood toys that probably should've come with a lawyer, and a Halloween candy bowl that might actually be somebody's head. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where the scary part isn't Halloween—it's realizing these people are allowed to operate vehicles.
Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast packed with St. Louis weird news, ridiculous Halloween costumes, dangerous childhood memories, questionable decisions, and the kind of daily comedy that makes you wonder how any of us survived the 1980s.
First, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment takes a truly St. Louis turn when the crew stuffs him into a gigantic toasted ravioli mascot costume, courtesy of GO! St. Louis.
But because Halloween is approaching, this isn't just any toasted ravioli.
It's Dracula Ravioli.
We're talking vampire teeth, a Dracula hairline, and a massive square of pasta so wide it practically requires its own building permit.
The crew measures the costume in units of Lern, because apparently the metric system wasn't humiliating enough. At roughly one Lern tall, Scott becomes a walking, talking, meat-filled architectural problem.
Then comes the real challenge: getting the giant ravioli through the studio doorway and into his tiny producer booth.
King Scott manages to squeeze inside, but closing the door is another matter entirely. Rafe has to climb in and help adjust the microphone, creating what might be the world's most uncomfortable pasta-based recording studio.
Yesterday, Scott was trapped inside the Sweetmeat pig costume. Today, he's Dracula Ravioli. Tomorrow, there's another mascot waiting.
Rafe even reveals that, as a teenager, he tried to saw an escape hatch through his bedroom floor so he could sneak out without his strict dad noticing.
Unfortunately, his father discovered the project when sunlight started shining through the floorboards from underneath the house.
Most teenagers sneak out a window. Rafe apparently wanted to recreate The Shawshank Redemption.
The crew also gets into a debate sparked by Lern's recent women's retreat: If you keep a baseball bat in your car for protection, do you need a baseball glove to prove you're not carrying a weapon?
This launches an extremely unserious conversation about traffic stops, batting practice, tire knockers, and the world's least convincing explanation for why somebody has a baseball bat in their trunk.
A woman gets a week off work to potty-train her new puppy, Nicolas Cage apparently forgets how John Madden sounds, and King Scott is one locked knee away from becoming a toasted ravioli casualty. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where workplace benefits are imaginary, Hollywood is confused, and the mascot costumes are actively trying to kill us.
Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast full of ridiculous workplace debates, celebrity news, rock-and-roll nostalgia, questionable movie performances, and the kind of St. Louis morning show chaos that really should come with a waiver.
First, somebody needs to rescue King Scott from his own costume.
Mascot Week continues after Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment, and he's still trapped inside a gigantic toasted ravioli costume courtesy of GO! St. Louis.
The thing is roughly five feet tall, five feet wide, incredibly heavy, and apparently hotter than the inside of an actual deep fryer.
During the show, Rizz notices Scott leaning against the wall and briefly worries he's about to pass out. The crew warns him about locking his knees, suggests football players should train in the costume to build shoulder strength, and debates whether St. Louis should someday name a professional sports team the Raviolis.
Because nothing strikes fear into an opponent quite like a giant square of fried pasta.
Scott eventually gets permission to remove the costume for a segment, which is probably the most generous employee benefit anyone on this show has received in years.
And that brings us to the day's biggest argument: Should employees get a free week off to potty-train a new puppy?
A woman named Jenna is furious after learning that her coworker's boss offered a full week away from work to help settle in a new dog, without using any of the coworker's regular vacation days.
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