America's biggest pickup trucks might be terrifying everyone else on the road, Elon Musk has the crew arguing about flying cars, and Rafe Williams has written a historical comedy in which George Washington is secretly his own wife. Somehow, the most realistic part of this episode is the flying car.
Welcome back to The Rizzuto Show, where the roads are getting more dangerous, the future of transportation looks increasingly ridiculous, and American history is about to receive a theatrical adaptation that absolutely nobody requested.
With Lern out of the studio, Rizz, Moon Valjean, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are holding down the fort for another funny podcast featuring bizarre news, questionable technology, St. Louis homeowner problems, and one of the most spectacularly unnecessary historical performances ever attempted on morning radio.
America's deadliest pickup trucks
First up, Rizz introduces a study examining the enormous safety gap between drivers of certain oversized vehicles and the unfortunate people who collide with them.
The concept is called the danger gap: a comparison of how well a vehicle protects its own driver versus the fatality risk it presents to drivers of other vehicles.
And according to the study discussed on the show, some of America's biggest pickup trucks are practically rolling fortresses.
The Ram 3500 Crew Cab, Chevy Silverado 3500, Ram 2500, Ford F-150 SuperCrew, and Chevy Silverado 2500 all make the list of vehicles with especially concerning differences in crash outcomes.
Rafe discusses his Toyota Tacoma Trailhunter and remembers the good old days of driving a tiny manual-transmission Mazda pickup without power steering.
Moon admits his wife loves driving enormous SUVs because they make her feel safer.
Rizz, meanwhile, has a refreshingly simple approach to sharing the highway with a giant truck: get out of its way.
Because apparently the unofficial rule of American driving is that whoever has the most pounds of metal wins.
The crew debates whether these massive vehicles make everyone safer, whether they're just protecting their own occupants, and why modern pickup trucks increasingly look like they were designed to tow an aircraft carrier.
Would you ride in a flying car?
From gigantic trucks to cars that supposedly don't need roads, the conversation moves straight into the future.
Rizz brings up Elon Musk's flying-car demonstrations and asks the crew a simple question: If somebody offered you a ride in a flying car, would you take it?
Moon says absolutely not.
He isn't convinced the technology is ready for everyday use, and he has no intention of climbing into something that resembles a helicopter with extra marketing.
Rizz thinks it looks awesome.
Rafe is willing to entertain the idea, provided we're talking about an actual flying car and not a publicity stunt with wheels.
A poll discussed on the show suggests Americans are divided on the idea, with younger men particularly interested and older adults considerably less enthusiastic.
Naturally, the conversation turns into a debate about whether society needs flying cars when regular groceries already cost a fortune.
Rafe also introduces the guys to a real-world flying contraption inspired by the Green Goblin's glider from Spider-Man, complete with propellers and a rider hovering above the ground.
Rizz is impressed.
Moon is concerned about the obvious possibility of falling.
And Rafe seems perfectly willing to volunteer as long as somebody promises to film it.
The crew even revisits the obscure 1980s animated series The Flying House, because apparently the future of aviation is being developed by people who watched too many Saturday morning cartoons.
It's the kind of technology discussion that begins with genuine curiosity and ends with everybody arguing about whether a flying skateboard is worth potentially breaking every bone in your body.
George Washington meets Mrs. Doubtfire
Then comes the segment that may permanently ruin your understanding of American history.
It's time for Rafe's weekly In Memoriam, the show's sarcastic farewell to the ridiculous stories, arguments, and questionable decisions from the past several days.
And Rafe has apparently been thinking a little too much about George and Martha Washington.
After the crew previously joked that portraits of George and Martha looked suspiciously similar, Rafe develops a completely fictional historical comedy called Mrs. Washington Fire.
The premise?
What if George Washington and Martha Washington were secretly the same person?
Yes, it's Mrs. Doubtfire at Mount Vernon.
And yes, Rafe actually wrote a scene.
Moon plays Thomas Jefferson, complete with an inexplicable accent that sounds suspiciously like Patrick Stewart.
Rafe plays both George and Martha Washington.
Rizz handles the stage directions.
The story follows Jefferson as he grows increasingly suspicious that George and Martha are never in the same room at the same time.
There are awkward costume changes, suspicious facial hair, enormous colonial accessories, and enough historical inaccuracies to make a social studies teacher request immediate retirement.
The dramatic climax involves George Washington confessing that he wanted to be more than the father of his country.
He wanted to be its mother, too.
Somebody call Broadway.
Actually, don't. We don't need to encourage this.
Rafe's In Memoriam gets even weirder
The historical theater experiment is only one part of Rafe's weekly comedy tribute.
He also revisits Lern's $500 women's wellness retreat in Innsbrook, Missouri, where yoga, journaling, sound baths, and spiritual enlightenment become material for an absolutely ruthless roast.
Then there's the viral story about a man who claims to be addicted to humping the air, which Rafe revisits with jokes about the world's least demanding romantic partner.
The crew acknowledges the story may not even be genuine, but that doesn't stop them from discussing the sheer absurdity of it.
Rafe also brings back the listener who described an alleged ghost cuddling experience while recovering from injuries after military service.
According to the listener, the mysterious presence wanted nothing more than to cuddle until he eventually asked a priest for help.
Rafe's interpretation?
The poor ghost was just lonely.
It's a funny podcast where even the supernatural apparently can't catch a break in the dating world.
The segment concludes with a more heartfelt, if still occasionally sarcastic, tribute to the Star Trek performers whose reported deaths the crew discussed during the week.
Rafe delivers a Captain Kirk-inspired farewell to Captain Picard and Chekov, celebrating the legacy of Star Trek while finding room for jokes about aging convention fans, Klingon pronunciation, and collectible merchandise.
Because on this show, even a touching farewell has to survive at least one joke about the men's room.
Rizz's floors are falling apart, and nobody wants to fix them
Just when the episode seems incapable of becoming any more ridiculous, Rizz reveals a genuine domestic crisis.
His kitchen's real wood flooring is buckling.
There's moisture underneath it.
Nobody can figure out where the water is coming from.
And the flooring contractors he's contacted won't touch the job until somebody identifies the underlying problem.
Rizz is stuck in the ultimate homeowner nightmare: every professional agrees something is wrong, but nobody wants to be the person responsible for figuring it out.
Moon suggests calling a plumber, restoration specialist, or general contractor.
Rafe shares his own frustrating experience trying to find someone willing to cut old Plexiglas panels for a home project.
Scott offers suggestions while dressed as a giant piece of pizza.
And Rizz makes it very clear that he is not interested in taking home-repair advice from a man currently wearing dinner.
Listeners begin texting their recommendations, including the inevitable suggestion to call Ghostbusters.
Rizz insists there is no ghost.
Moon suggests there might be a moisture ghost.
And suddenly the most practical problem discussed all morning has turned into a paranormal investigation.
It's a reminder that homeownership is mostly just paying a mortgage while discovering new ways your house can disappoint you.
Between the massive trucks, flying-car arguments, superhero-inspired gliders, Rafe's colonial theater production, and Rizz's mysterious water damage, this funny podcast delivers another spectacularly strange dose of St. Louis morning show comedy.
Hit play, give the giant pickup trucks some space, think twice before boarding a flying skateboard, and remember: if George Washington and Martha Washington are never in the same room together, Rafe Williams apparently has some questions.
And if anybody knows how to fix a buckling kitchen floor, Rizz would appreciate a call.
Just don't suggest Ghostbusters.
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