King Scott has officially become a five-foot-tall vampire toasted ravioli, somebody's Halloween candy bowl turns out to be an actual human skull, and a St. Louis car thief apparently discovers that all you have to do is ask nicely. Welcome to The Rizzuto Show, where common sense is optional and Halloween gets weirder by the minute.
Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast full of St. Louis weird news, Halloween chaos, dangerous childhood memories, questionable life decisions, and enough sarcasm to make a giant piece of fried pasta reconsider its career.
First up, King Scott's NFL Pick'em punishment continues with Mascot Week, and today's costume is an absolute St. Louis masterpiece.
Thanks to GO! St. Louis, Scott gets stuffed inside a massive toasted ravioli costume that's been transformed into Dracula Ravioli for Halloween. We're talking vampire teeth, a Dracula hairline, and a costume so enormous the crew starts measuring it in units of Lern.
It's approximately one Lern tall, ridiculously wide, and apparently designed by somebody who has never encountered a standard doorway.
The gang watches Scott attempt to squeeze out of the studio and into his tiny producer booth without destroying the costume, the doorframe, or his remaining dignity.
Yesterday, he was trapped inside a sweaty Sweetmeat pig costume. Today, he's a vampire ravioli. Tomorrow? Somehow, there's still more mascot punishment to come.
This is what happens when you lose an NFL football challenge on a morning radio show. You don't just lose your pride. You become dinner.
Then the conversation takes a nostalgic turn as the crew remembers the most dangerous toys of the '80s and '90s.
Remember lawn darts? Those giant metal projectiles that somehow qualified as family entertainment?
How about clackers, BB guns, wrist rockets, sparking Rollerblade Barbie skates, sharp slap bracelets, chemistry sets with questionable ingredients, Easy-Bake Ovens, and pogo sticks that seemed specifically designed to send somebody to urgent care?
Rizz remembers childhood science kits that included real scalpels and glass slides. Lern recalls the joys of trying to bake a cake with a light bulb before giving up and eating the batter. Rafe and Moon share stories about slingshots, homemade forts, and the questionable survival instincts of kids who grew up before everybody had a smartphone.
Rafe even admits he once tried to saw an escape hatch through his bedroom floor so he could sneak in and out of the house.
His dad eventually discovered the project because sunlight was coming through the floorboards.
Some kids wanted a treehouse. Rafe wanted a prison break.
The nostalgia spirals into stories about hiding inside cabinets, sleeping in toy chests, crawling through neighborhood brush, and turning practically every outdoor structure into a military headquarters.
It's a miracle any of these people survived childhood long enough to become radio professionals. And we're using the word professionals generously.
Lern also brings up a debate from a recent women's retreat: Does keeping a baseball bat in your car make it look like a weapon unless you also carry a baseball glove?
Naturally, this leads to an extremely unqualified discussion about self-defense, tire knockers, and what a police officer might think if you claim you're on your way to batting practice.
Somehow, a baseball glove becomes the most important piece of legal equipment in the conversation.
Meanwhile, Lern is preparing for a long weekend in Chicago, where she's planning to meet coworkers, enjoy a Lake Michigan dinner cruise, and celebrate her 12th wedding anniversary with Tim.
Rizz immediately questions the wisdom of eating dinner on a boat when Chicago has perfectly good restaurants.
Because nothing says friendship like criticizing somebody's vacation before they've even packed.
Moon also shares the emotional roller coaster of helping his son buy a used Ford Mustang EcoBoost. The excitement of getting a cool car quickly turns into panic when an engine problem appears shortly after leaving the dealership.
Fortunately, the dealer addresses the issue, but the experience launches the crew into a discussion about used-car warranties, dealership trust, and the terrifying moment when your dream car starts acting like a financial nightmare.
And speaking of vehicles, Rizz shares one of the most ridiculous St. Louis car theft stories the gang has heard.
According to the story discussed on the show, a man approaches a downtown hotel valet, asks for the keys to a Rivian, and simply drives away when the employee hands them over.
No elaborate disguise. No high-speed getaway. Just the confidence of a guy who apparently thinks grand theft auto is a customer-service transaction.
Police reportedly find him nearby, and the suspect allegedly explains his decision with the unforgettable philosophy that bad decisions are sometimes more fun than good ones.
That's certainly one way to explain a felony.
The crew also dives into the strange world of Halloween decorations, including a story about a homeowner who reportedly spent four years using what he believed was a fake skull as a candy bowl.
Unfortunately, according to the story, a guest with dental knowledge notices something suspicious about the teeth.
The skull appears to have real dental fillings.
Suddenly, the festive front-porch decoration is looking a lot less like something from a Halloween store and a lot more like evidence.
The homeowner reportedly contacts authorities, and the skull is taken for examination.
Imagine spending four Halloweens telling neighborhood kids to reach inside a skull for candy, only to discover that somebody may have once used it to think.
That is not a fun-size surprise.
Elsewhere, the gang reacts to a hilarious video of a child at a doctor's office listing increasingly outrageous diseases he thinks he might have, debates nighttime drooling and sleep habits, and checks in on Moon's upcoming dermatology appointment.
It's health news delivered by people who probably shouldn't be allowed to diagnose a houseplant.
From Dracula toasted ravioli and dangerous childhood toys to bizarre local crime, Halloween horror stories, family road trips, and the occasional actual medical concern, this funny podcast is packed with the daily comedy, weird news, and St. Louis entertainment that make The Rizzuto Show such a beautifully ridiculous morning show.
Whether you grew up dodging lawn darts, have ever bought a suspicious used car, or simply want to hear a grown man struggle to operate a radio studio while dressed as a vampire appetizer, this funny podcast has you covered.
Hit play, keep your Halloween candy in a regular bowl, and remember: if someone hands you the keys to a Rivian, that doesn't automatically mean it's yours.
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