Ever wonder why everybody seems to have a birthday in September? Apparently, the holidays are a lot more festive than we realized. Add a Taylor Swift ticket scam, a suspicious soccer-ticket handoff in London, and an Instagram algorithm obsessed with shark attacks, and you've got another perfectly normal morning on The Rizzuto Show.
Rizz, Moon Valjean, Lern, Rafe Williams, and King Scott are back with another funny podcast packed with weird news, embarrassing family revelations, celebrity gossip, rock music, Halloween horror, and the kind of conversations that make you wonder whether anybody in this studio has ever successfully completed a background check.
First up, why are September birthdays so ridiculously common?
Rizz discovers a birthday ranking showing that 12 of the 15 most common birthdays fall between September 8th and September 21st, with September 9th taking the number-one spot.
Naturally, the crew immediately starts doing some very uncomfortable calendar math.
Nine months before September? That's right. December. Christmas. New Year's Eve. Holiday parties. Mistletoe. People making decisions that eventually require buying diapers.
And things get even weirder when Rizz and Rafe realize their fathers are both named Dennis and share the same September 9th birthday.
That's an adorable coincidence until you start thinking about what their grandparents were doing around the holidays.
The gang also examines the rarest birthdays, including February 29th, Christmas Day, New Year's Day, and other major holidays. Everyone starts checking their own birthday rankings, and Moon discovers he's apparently a limited-edition human being.
At least according to the calendar.
Then Rizz brings up a story about a Canadian couple who scammed Taylor Swift fans out of approximately $190,000 by selling concert tickets that didn't exist.
The scheme involved fans paying for promised Eras Tour tickets, only to discover that nothing was waiting in their inboxes when the concerts arrived.
That brings back some uncomfortable memories for Rizz, who nearly lost hundreds of dollars while trying to score Taylor Swift tickets for his daughter.
Rafe had helped track down what sounded like a promising deal: two available seats, a believable price, and a story about kids who supposedly couldn't attend.
Unfortunately, the only thing missing was proof that the tickets existed.
Thankfully, they caught the red flags before sending money.
Meanwhile, Moon shares his own wildly suspicious ticket-buying adventure in London, where he purchased a Chelsea soccer ticket through an unfamiliar reseller and was instructed to meet a stranger on a street corner near a mailbox.
Nothing says legitimate sporting event like waiting for a mystery man to appear with an envelope.
Against all odds, the guy actually showed up, handed Moon a ticket, and disappeared. Even more shockingly, the ticket worked.
Moon got to watch the match, and the crew got another reminder that his survival instincts are apparently powered by blind optimism.
The conversation continues into the absolute nightmare of concert ticket bots and resale prices, as Lern discusses a Garth Brooks concert sale in Kansas City that was reportedly overwhelmed by automated ticket buyers.
Rizz and the gang debate whether it's time to bring back old-school box office sales, physical tickets, and the ancient tradition of actually standing in line like a human being.
Remember when buying concert tickets was merely inconvenient instead of requiring a cybersecurity team and a second mortgage?
Then it's time for Lern's Crap on Celebrities, where things get wonderfully ridiculous.
Metallica guitarist Kirk Hammett reads Edgar Allan Poe's The Raven for Halloween, inspiring the crew to revisit their encounters with Metallica, including Lern and Rafe meeting Kirk and Robert Trujillo, and Rizz's interview with James Hetfield.
Moon and Rizz also tease the unboxing of an extremely rare Gibson guitar, while the gang revisits Metallica's famously uncomfortable documentary Some Kind of Monster.
There's also a new KISS farewell-tour documentary to discuss, which naturally leads to the crew remembering Paul Stanley's legendary ability to turn an emotional concert moment into something wildly inappropriate.
It's a talent. Possibly not one anybody should attempt to develop.
The celebrity conversation keeps rolling with Lamar Odom joining OnlyFans, Crystal Hefner's comments about Jon Lovitz at the Playboy Mansion, and the gang's opinions about Barry Keoghan's cosmetic skin-tightening treatment.
Lern also covers the entertainment headlines surrounding Danny Masterson and Christina Applegate, with the crew reacting to the stories and the serious issues behind them.
Then Halloween takes over as the gang dives into horror movies inspired by real events.
From The Amityville Horror and The Conjuring to The Exorcism of Emily Rose, Fire in the Sky, Jaws, and Open Water, the crew debates which terrifying stories become even worse when somebody tells you they were inspired by real life.
That leads Moon to reveal a disturbing problem with his social media feed.
Instagram will not stop showing him shark attack videos.
Every time he opens the app, apparently another shark has decided to ruin somebody's afternoon.
Rizz suggests telling the algorithm he's not interested. Lern recommends resetting his recommendations. But Moon keeps watching, which is probably why Instagram thinks he's personally applying for a job as shark food.
And he's not the only one with a bizarre feed.
Rafe is following a guy attempting to ride a jet ski to Alaska. Rizz is watching a man kayak the Mississippi River and another guy deliberately testing questionable Chinese buffets. Lern has discovered that Big Terry's Instagram algorithm is essentially an endless buffet of hot dogs, trucks, and jokes that would make a middle schooler proud.
Some people get cooking tutorials. Some people get inspirational quotes.
The Rizz Show crew gets sharks, food poisoning, and hot dogs.
Throw in St. Louis history, the anniversary of the Gateway Arch's completion, fundraising for Cardinal Glennon Children's Hospital, and King Scott still enduring his increasingly fragrant mascot punishment, and you've got another funny podcast that somehow covers the entire spectrum of human experience without becoming even slightly more mature.
From holiday baby booms and fake Taylor Swift tickets to Metallica memories, celebrity chaos, and terrifying social media rabbit holes, this funny podcast proves that the internet is a strange place—but the Rizzuto Show studio might be stranger.
Hit play, check your birthday ranking, and remember: if a stranger tells you to meet him by a mailbox for concert tickets, maybe ask a few more questions first. Unless you're Moon. Apparently, that works out just fine.
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