Half three in the morning, fifteen years into working nightclub doors, Ivan stopped saying "members only" and told an angry man the truth instead. He says it landed like a punch in the face — and the bloke came back a fortnight later and shook his hand.
Sound Bites
- "Tough guys don't like to be bullshitted to."
- "Because they respected that I was upfront, I was honest, and I told them the truth about why I'm not letting them in."
- "When you explain to them the reasons why before they ask, you'll get much further with people."
- "If you're not willing to face anyone, you're no good to me."
- "I therapise in class."
- "I'm just helping you open doors within your own mind to explore places that you might not have looked."
- "We've got a pharmacy of emotions and feelings."
- "You're enough, but you've just forgotten it."
Ivan Rakitic was eighteen and working backstage when Billy Joel drove through the gate and waved at him. That settled it — thirty-six years in security followed, fifteen of them on nightclub doors.
One morning after a bad shift, he sat down and asked himself why he turned men away at all, then rewrote what he said to every one of them. What the door taught him — that no man does what he is told until he is told why — is what he works with now as a therapist, and on the mats teaching Brazilian Jiu Jitsu.
What We Explore
- Why "members only" starts a fight and "mate, you look like you're angry" ends one
- What fifteen years of reading angry men at 3am gave him that no training course could
- Therapising in the dojo — an eighth-degree black belt who will not teach you to hurt anyone
Mentioned in This Episode
Billy Joel — Ivan was eighteen, backstage, when Joel drove through the gate and waved at him. That was the moment security work won him over.
Cus D'Amato and the book about Mike Tyson's life, written with the men who trained him, told Ivan that D'Amato took his fighters to a hypnotherapist. That single detail set him off down the path that became his second career.
Dr Bob Johnson — UK psychiatrist who worked at Parkhurst prison with men who had done serious harm. Now 89 and retired, he and Ivan still speak every month.
Sugar Ray Robinson — nicknamed Sugar because he was so sweet. Ivan points people to the documentary Pound for Pound.
Connect with Ivan Rakitic
Free strategy call with Ivan: https://calendly.com/ivanrakitic2069/free_strategy_call_with_ivan_rakitic
Website: https://ivanrakitictherapy.com.au/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/ivanrakitictherapy/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ivan.rakitic.802297
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@ivan_rakitic_mens_therap
A little about Hamish Niven
For 25 years, I lived a life that looked successful from the outside. Inside it was falling apart, and I was throwing fuel on the fire — addiction, alcohol. I was on a steep path to self-destruct.
November 2018. I chose life, and had to change everything.
I built The 13th Room because nothing like that existed when I needed it.
The Brave Man Project - this podcast. It is about men, but not just for men. Men who broke under the weight of their own performance. Men who rebuilt and climbed so much higher.
The 13th Room is a space for the successful man who needs to change and knows it. 13 sessions, you and me. No fixing. Pure witnessing. Starts with a free 20-minute conversation.
Podcast website: https://thebravemanproject.com
Hamish's website: https://hamishniven.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheBraveManProject
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hamishniven/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hamish.niven
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hamishniven/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hamishniven
