Cliff sat with his daughter, working through the tick boxes on her assessment form. She's that, so am I. She's that, so am I. He booked his own assessment not long after.
Sound Bites
- "It's like being in an aeroplane. If the masks come down, you put it over yourself first, then you help your child."
- "If you can learn to self-regulate, you can then lend your nervous system to your child."
- "So we're going to put some drugs into your daughter that could be dangerous for your heart. Okay. There's got to be different ways."
- "We're going through all these tick boxes, ticking all the same boxes."
- "Once you've got your diagnosis, you're like, I don't even know who I am anymore."
- "I would always make sure I brought a football because if you get to school and nobody's got a ball, we're like, my God, how am going to get through?"
- "I'm drinking and that's probably the only time I was unmasking because I was numbing the worries, the anxiety."
- "It got to a point where I really liked the naughty step because it's quiet."
Cliff's daughter used to turn a big yellow builder's bucket upside down and sit inside it with her toys. It took two other parents at the school gate, a teacher, and a waiting room full of toddlers before anyone worked out why.
Somewhere in the middle of filling in her assessment forms, Cliff started answering for himself. He was diagnosed with ADHD last year. He now runs the podcast Parenting, Autism and ADHD, which his daughter appears on, and is working towards ADHD coaching certifications.
Mentioned in This Episode
Snapdragons — the assessment service where Cliff sat in the waiting room, saw toddlers being assessed, and realised how much time they had lost waiting
Paul McKenna — the technique Cliff uses of changing the voice of the inner critic into a cartoon voice so it stops sounding vicious
Eckhart Tolle — the silent observer practice Cliff uses to break hyperfocus when his daughter needs him
Connect with Cliff
Parenting, Autism and ADHD on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ParentingAutismandADHD
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cliff_kilmister08
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cliff.kilmister
X: https://x.com/KilmisterCliff
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/cliff-kilmister-420a07bb
Work with Cliff — anxiety support, founding members offer, message him here: https://m.me/cliff.kilmister
A little about Hamish Niven
For 25 years, I lived a life that looked successful from the outside. Inside it was falling apart, and I was throwing fuel on the fire — addiction, alcohol. I was on a steep path to self-destruct.
November 2018. I chose life, and had to change everything.
I built The 13th Room because nothing like that existed when I needed it.
The Brave Man Project — this podcast. It is about men, but not just for men. Men who broke under the weight of their own performance. Men who rebuilt and climbed so much higher.
The 13th Room is a space for the successful man who needs to change and knows it. 13 sessions, you and me. No fixing. Pure witnessing. Starts with a free 20-minute conversation.
Podcast website: https://thebravemanproject.com
Hamish's website: https://hamishniven.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheBraveManProject
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hamishniven/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hamish.niven
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hamishniven/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hamishniven
