David Chambers asks a head of risk what he does, and the man sits up and talks with total confidence. Then David asks about his relationship, and the chair rolls back.
Sound Bites
- "It's decided by the person often who is speaking, who lacks safety."
- "We call them vulnerabilities to the system because it's how the system can be hacked."
- "Most men don't know that they don't feel safe."
- "There's a sinking, there's a backing away, the chair rolls back."
- "Confidence isn't always transferable between different areas of our lives."
- "The resentment is like the poison of relationships."
- "You need to ignore the financial load. Ignore it."
- "The other men just look at us with care and nod and go, yeah, I do that too, actually."
David Chambers spent 16 years testing software, where a weakness in a system has a name. It's called a vulnerability, because it's how the system gets hacked. Most men, he says, learned the same lesson about themselves long before they had words for it.
Today he coaches men on love, dating and relationships. He talks about why a man who runs a room at work goes quiet at home, why the money is a smaller share of the household load than men think, and why a safe space isn't decided by the person offering it.
What We Explore
- Why a man who is sharp and direct at work freezes when she asks where this is going
- Being told your feelings don't matter since the playground, then asked to speak them fluently in your thirties
- The household load men don't see, and a monthly check-in that stops resentment setting in
Connect with David
Website: https://www.theauthenticman.net/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theauthenticman_/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/IAmTheAuthenticMan
X: https://twitter.com/iamauthenticman
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheAuthenticMan
The Authentic Man podcast on Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/podcast/id1447910686
The Authentic Man podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/64n26CAX3FIhJj7aMR2CO6
A little about Hamish Niven
For 25 years, I lived a life that looked successful from the outside. Inside it was falling apart, and I was throwing fuel on the fire — addiction, alcohol. I was on a steep path to self-destruct.
November 2018. I chose life, and had to change everything.
I built The 13th Room because nothing like that existed when I needed it.
The Brave Man Project — this podcast. It is about men, but not just for men. Men who broke under the weight of their own performance. Men who rebuilt and climbed so much higher.
The 13th Room is a space for the successful man who needs to change and knows it. 13 sessions, you and me. No fixing. Pure witnessing. Starts with a free 20-minute conversation.
Podcast website: https://thebravemanproject.com
Hamish's website: https://hamishniven.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheBraveManProject
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hamishniven/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hamish.niven
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hamishniven/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hamishniven
