They call it high-functioning. It just means you can't see the cost. He's had some days when he couldn't speak at all, and his mother sat beside him reading Nietzsche aloud until something switched back on.
This is a conversation about what it costs to look like you are coping.
Sound Bites
- "There is a physical sensation of discomfort when I lie. I feel physically sick."
- "What a high functioning autist is, is someone who's just as autistic as every other autist, but someone who can hide it more for the benefit of neurotypical people."
- "We can pay the ultimate price for fitting in apparently so well, when actually inside we're feeling absolutely out of sync with the rest of society."
- "It's like a computer that's overheating, the mouse thing starts to jump from place to place, and suddenly it's not moving at all. That's autism for you."
- "Veracity is the need for truth, order, and things making sense."
- "We're not a mistake. We're meant to be here. We're doing our job."
Hubert found out he was autistic at forty-two. He calls his lot the lost generation — men who got through school, work and relationships playing a game nobody gave them the rules to.
He has been a European Parliament intern, an award-winning entrepreneur and a van man. He has also spent days unable to speak, his mother sitting beside him reading Nietzsche aloud until something switched back on. This is a conversation about what it costs to look like you are coping.
What We Explore
- Why a white lie causes physical pain, and what that does to small talk, work and friendship
- "High functioning" — what the label hides, and who it is actually for
- The bridge between neurotypical and neurodivergent minds, and why Hubert thinks everything ahead of us gets built on it
Mentioned in This Episode
- Quinn, and the Autistamatic YouTube channel — where Hubert takes the idea of veracity, which he uses to hold truth, order and physical discomfort in one word
- Nikki Stevenson, writing in The Guardian in 2015 — called prejudice against neurodiverse people the last great prejudice
- Nikola Tesla — died penniless, and is Hubert's example of what a society wastes when it will not accommodate the people it depends on
- Star Trek — the version of a future human he was drawn to as a child and still is
- Elon Musk'sremark that nobody who spent an hour in his head would want anything he has
Connect with Hubert
Hubert is not on social media. He can be contacted through me via this email address: hamish@thebravemanproject.com
The autism education channels Hubert recommends:
A little about Hamish Niven
For 25 years, I lived a life that looked successful from the outside. Inside it was falling apart, and I was throwing fuel on the fire — addiction, alcohol. I was on a steep path to self-destruct.
November 2018. I chose life, and had to change everything.
I built The 13th Room because nothing like that existed when I needed it.
The Brave Man Project — this podcast. It is about men, but not just for men. Men who broke under the weight of their own performance. Men who rebuilt and climbed so much higher.
The 13th Room is a space for the successful man who needs to change and knows it. 13 sessions, you and me. No fixing. Pure witnessing. Starts with a free 20-minute conversation.
Podcast website: https://thebravemanproject.com
Hamish's website: https://hamishniven.com
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@TheBraveManProject
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/hamishniven/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@hamish.niven
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hamishniven/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/hamishniven
