By the time you fall into bed at the end of the day, your body has nothing left. Not for affection, not for intimacy, not for the part of your relationship that used to be effortless. Nobody told you this was the trade.
Cindy Scharkey has been an OB/GYN nurse for almost 40 years, and what she kept hearing from women is that nobody is having this conversation. So she started having it.
What You'll Learn
→ The "one tank of energy" reality and why your sex life is the first thing it drains
→ Why scheduling sex doesn't work the way most couples do it (and what does)
→ What "responsive desire" is, and why most women have been measuring against the wrong thing their whole lives
Heard Yourself In This Episode?
Cindy points out there's only ONE tank of energy, and your marriage is pulling from the same one as your job and your kids. The Stress Loop quiz helps you figure out which of the four loops is draining it, and what to do differently starting tomorrow morning. Take the quiz here → go.alexpayetta.com/quiz
Lorissa's List
Lorissa's curated list of the products, services, and providers actually worth your time, all vetted to a higher standard so you can skip the search.
→ lorissaviolet.com
Connect With Us
Lorissa Violet
lorissaviolet.com | @lorissaviolet
Alex Payetta
alexpayetta.com | @alexpayetta
Cindy Scharkey, RN
cindyscharkey.com | @cindyscharkey
Mentioned in This Episode
→ Permission for Pleasure: Tending Your Sexual Garden cindyscharkey.com/permission-for-pleasure-book
→ Permission for Pleasure podcast cindyscharkey.com/podcast — short topical episodes good for couples to listen to together
→ Uberlube uberlube.com — Cindy's recommended lube. Code CINDY for 15% off
Timestamps
0:00 Why this conversation, why now
1:30 Cindy's background and why she started talking about this publicly
6:00 The "one tank of energy" — sex pulls from the same well as everything else
10:00 Responsive vs spontaneous desire (and why the movies lied)
15:00 Scheduling intimacy without it feeling like a chore
20:00 The 4% change that brings desire back
25:00 The fear-of-pregnancy "hand brake" nobody talks about
30:00 Decentering intercourse — what "sex" can actually mean
35:00 Where to start when you don't know where to start
40:00 Why painful sex isn't normal, and the lube conversation
