In this episode, Tom sits down with writer and sex educator Aidan Wharton, creator of Gay Buffet, to talk about gay sex education, relationships, sexual pleasure, and queer joy. Aidan shares how his community-driven work grew from a newsletter into a platform exploring the questions gay men actually want answered.
They discuss open relationships, monogamy, boundaries, sexual communication, and why different relationship structures can work for different people. Aidan also shares what he has learned from his community about topics including poppers, gooning, threesomes, and sexual curiosity, all while trying to make conversations about sex more accessible and less shame-based.
The conversation also explores how gay men often learn about sex through community rather than traditional sex education, and how dating apps and digital communication are changing the way people experience intimacy, consent, and desire.
Finally, Aidan talks about queer joy and why celebrating pleasure, connection, and the experience of being gay matters. At the heart of his work is a simple idea: despite our differences, most of us are looking for love, connection, safety, and belonging.
About Aidan:
Aidan Wharton is a writer originally from Hawaii, but now based in New York. He’s the creator of Gay Buffet, a Substack bestseller focusing on gay sex, open relationships, and self-improvement. He is also the host of Getting Close (on summer hiatus), a podcast dedicated to reviving connection in our increasingly isolating digital world. His work centers queer joy, nuance, and empathy as he tries to make his corner of the world a better place one connection at a time.
Connect with Aidan:
Substack: gaybuffet.substack.com
Instagram: @aidanwharton
YouTube Channel: @gettingclosepod
TikTok: @aidanwharton
Connect with Tom:
Website: www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com
Instagram: @queerrelationshipinstitute
Get his book: https://a.co/d/0gtUEAC5
Get your FREE set of relationship discussion cards for gay men: https://www.queerrelationshipinstitute.com/cards
