S2 E39 | When Attraction Feels Gone (Academy Teaching)

When Attraction Feels Gone: What Acting Out Did to Your Desire

"I love my wife. I don't want to lose this relationship, but I'm struggling to feel attraction." Roy and Jacqueline hear this from men all the time, and in this episode they take it on directly.

This teaching is for the men. It stays focused on what years of acting out trained into his desire, and it never turns the problem back on her. Roy walks through four drivers: novelty, objectification, resentment, and shame at being seen. He uses the cardboard butterfly experiment to show how an exaggerated fake can out-pull anything real, and he challenges the story underneath "Did I marry the wrong woman?"

Then comes the hopeful part. If attraction can be trained away from your wife, it can be retrained toward her. Roy lays out four integrity practices to start that work, plus a private journaling assignment for the week.

Jacqueline speaks to betrayed partners throughout. If you've lost attraction toward him since discovery, that is a wound from the betrayal and a protective response. It is not the same as his struggle, and this episode is not meant to be pointed at you.

IN THIS EPISODE 00:00 Welcome to Joy Recovery Radio 00:45 Why we're talking about this 02:05 Setting the boundary for this teaching 03:04 A word to betrayed partners 04:18 Her loss of attraction is not the same thing 07:00 "Did I marry the wrong woman?" 09:05 Free Academy access for your partner 09:50 Driver 1: Novelty 10:51 The cardboard butterfly experiment 12:45 Pixels over people 16:25 What this means for partners 17:35 Driver 2: Objectification 18:52 A tenth of a millimeter 20:31 A pause for the partners 22:15 Driver 3: Resentment 23:32 Driver 4: Shame and being seen 24:50 Back to the wrong question 26:05 Hope: desire can be retrained 26:35 Practice 1: Starve the old template 27:39 Practice 2: Know your wife 30:37 Practices 3 and 4: Let go of resentment and practice being seen 31:52 When she isn't attracted to you either 33:05 Your homework 34:04 Closing

FREE ACADEMY SEAT FOR YOUR PARTNER When you join the Integrity Circle, your subscription includes a free seat in the Joy Recovery Academy for your partner. Visit joy-recovery.com and click on Circle.

Joy is possible when you live in integrity.