S2 E38 | Staying When the Conversation Gets Hard | Integrity Circle Teaching

This episode of Joy Recovery Radio is a little different. Every Monday night Roy teaches live inside the Integrity Circle, and this is one of those teachings, shared so you can hear what actually happens in the room.

The topic is staying in your body when the conversation gets hard. Roy explains the window of tolerance and the two ways men fall out of it, attacking or avoiding, and why both leave a betrayed partner alone with her pain. He talks about the needs men have to stop demanding from their partner while doing repair (security, approval and power). Then he walks through the STAY protocol: Spot the space, Tolerate the discomfort, Attention on her, Yes to love. For the moments when you can't stay, he gives a five-part timeout and a daily ten-minute regulation practice.

A note before you listen: Roy talks to men the way he does in the Circle, and it's direct. He uses the word abuse and explains why in the teaching.

Prefer to watch? The video of this teaching is on our YouTube channel: [YouTube link]

TIMESTAMPS (00:00) Welcome to Joy Recovery Radio (00:44) A live teaching from the Integrity Circle (01:45) The window of tolerance (02:30) Fight and freeze: attack or avoid (04:30) Integrity Abuse Disorder and the word "abuse" (07:15) What's your default? (08:30) Love casts out fear (10:32) About the Integrity Circle (11:05) A narrow window and the basement (13:00) Letting go of your need for security (15:00) Letting go of your need for approval (15:55) Letting go of your need for power (17:45) The STAY protocol (18:15) S: Spot the space (21:45) T: Tolerate the discomfort (25:30) A: Attention (26:40) Affect labeling (27:55) When she says "You never loved me" (29:40) Y: Yes to love (31:25) When you can't stay: the timeout (34:05) Ten minutes of daily regulation (36:22) Closing

RESOURCES Integrity Circle for men: https://joy-recovery.com (click Circle). Your subscription includes a free seat for your partner in the Joy Recovery Academy.

More educational resources: https://joy-recovery.com

Joy is possible when you live in integrity.