S2 E37 | Why She Asks the Same Question Forty Times

You've answered her question ten times. Maybe forty. So why does she keep asking?

Roy opens with the sigh he made "on about 100 occasions" when his wife asked a question he had already answered. Then he explains what took him years to see. Deception corrupts a partner's record of her own life, and her repeated questions are how she checks that record. Every calm, honest answer is one more data point telling her nervous system that questions now get the truth.

In this episode: - Gottman on contempt, and why a sigh counts - Minwalla's reality-ego fragmentation - Her questions as bids for connection - The Zeigarnik effect, partial disclosure, and why staggered disclosure multiplies questions - The attachment question under the factual one - How to answer the 40th time with acknowledgment and without commentary - The Answer Key, a five-step practice for repeated questions - A word for partners: you get to seek the truth you need

Timestamps: 00:00 Welcome 00:45 The sigh 02:50 The false beliefs behind the sigh 03:15 How deception corrupts her record 05:55 Her questions are bids for connection 08:05 The Zeigarnik effect and the open loop 09:40 Staggered disclosure 11:45 Attachment injury 13:25 "I've already answered that" 15:15 How to answer the 40th time 18:20 The Answer Key: five steps 21:45 Ban "we already talked about this" 22:05 For partners listening 22:32 The 40th question tests your character

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