Your desire isn't broken; your nervous system is just doing its job too well. In this episode, pelvic floor PT and sex counselor Dr. Rose joins us to break down why trauma, stress, and hypervigilance can quietly tank your libido and what to actually do about it. We cover the "smoke detector" model of nervous system regulation, why desire discrepancy is normal (80% of couples deal with it), the four desire styles, and quick neuroscience-backed exercises that can shift you from a 2/10 to a 6/10 "open to intimacy" in minutes. If you've ever felt guilty for not being in the mood, you can stop “fixing” yourself and start understanding your body.
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Jump to the Good Stuff:
07:10 – From Dr. Goldstein's clinic to holistic sex coaching
16:45 – The "smoke detector" nervous system analogy
20:26 – Why sensitivity to threat isn't your fault
22:32 – The 3-step reset
34:30 – Presence as a biological need37:00 – Desire isn't a light switch — it's a car that needs gas
39:00 – The four desire styles
41:13 – Live demo: shift nervous system state in real time
45:36 – Stress vs. threat — not all stress kills desire
Pleasure Highlights:
Desire isn't a light switch, it's more like a car
80% of couples deal with desire discrepancy
A hypersensitive nervous system isn't a personal failing
You don't have to be symptom-free to feel safe
Small, physical resets work fast
Connect with Dr. Rose:
Enhance your self-awareness by acknowledging and understanding your behavior patterns, and foster a deeper connection with your inner self. Get the Unleashing My Power: A Women's Empowerment and Gratitude Journal to reclaim your power through daily gratitude. Learn more HERE.
Connect with Jordan D’Nelle:
Email: JordanDnelle@VaginasVulvasandVibrators.com
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*Disclaimer: This podcast is for informational and/or entertainment purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. The views and opinions expressed are my own, or those of my guests, and do not necessarily reflect the views of any organizations or institutions with which I am affiliated.
Vaginas, Vulvas, and Vibrators, the unapologetic women’s sexual wellness podcast, normalizing pleasure, bodies, and sexual health through expert, shame-free conversations.
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INDICATION
Phexx® is an on-demand prescription birth control used to prevent pregnancy. Phexx is not effective when used after sex.
IMPORTANT SAFETY INFORMATION
Rare cases (0.36%) of bladder and kidney infection have been reported. If you have a history of urinary tract problems that keep coming back, you should not use Phexx.
Contact your healthcare provider if you are experiencing genitourinary side effects such as vaginal burning, itching, discharge, genital discomfort (including in male partners), yeast infection, urinary tract infection or bacterial vaginosis.
Phexx does not protect against any sexually transmitted infections, including HIV. Avoid using Phexx with a vaginal ring.
Avoid Phexx if you or your sexual partner is allergic to lactic acid, citric acid, potassium bitartrate, or any of the Ingredients in Phexx. Stop using Phexx If you develop an allergic reaction.
For more information about Phexx, talk to your healthcare provider and see full Product Informationat www.phexx.com.
Please report side effects by contacting Evofem Biosciences® toll-free at 1-833-EVFMBIO or contact FDA at 1-800-FDA-1088 or www.fda.gov/medwatch.
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