Matt Evans — Six Years Sober and Still Not Settling for Average
There's a photograph of Matt taken a few weeks before his arrest. He's in the kitchen with his kids. He is smiling. You can see it is half-arsed.
6 years later, he has built a life the old him could not have imagined, and he still refuses to call it finished.
Sound Bites
- "I was literally in the shadow of myself going, I should be more."
- "It's soul-destroying, mate. It's Jekyll and Hyde in your own brain."
- "I don't want to ever settle for average, and I don't want her to settle for average."
- "Sometimes burning stuff to the ground and rebuilding it can be the most perfect option."
Matt Evans spent years being the man everyone came to when something needed fixing. Life and soul of the party. Always happy. When it all came apart, the guys who worked for him said the same thing — we would never have known. Six years sober now, and the difference is not that he stopped drinking. It is that he stopped performing.
This conversation is about what comes after. Rebuilding trust with a wife who had heard the promises before. Writing down who you are on purpose, because the old story was written for you. And refusing, point blank, to settle for an average marriage, an average life, an average anything.
What We Explore
- Why white-knuckling isn't sobriety, and what "eyes wide open" actually costs
- Cognitive dissonance; screaming inside while telling the world you're fine
- Rebuilding trust when your word already has a track record, and why "just because I said it" changed nothing
- Identity as a conscious choice — declarations, not affirmations, and clearing the old judgement first
- Growing up with no masculine role model, and what his daughter absorbed about who pays the bill
- Burning down a charity event five months out and rebuilding it from nothing
Mentioned in This Episode
- The Ultimate Coach — the book about Steve Hardison that Matt credits with shifting his life more than getting sober did.
- Les Brown — the quote Matt leaned on in early sobriety "Find someone to believe in you when you find it hard to believe in yourself"
Connect with Matt
Matt's coaching lives on LinkedIn. Facebook and Instagram are just his life, as he put it, "they're not like my coaching world, they're just me."
Linktree: linktr.ee/mattevansdfc
LinkedIn: mattevansdfc
Facebook: matt.evans.3517563
Instagram: @matt_lovin_life
Website: differentfocus.co.uk
A little about Hamish Niven
For 25 years, I lived a life that looked successful from the outside. Inside it was falling apart, and I was throwing fuel on the fire — addiction, alcohol. I was on a steep path to self-destruct.
November 2018. I chose life, and had to change everything.
I built The 13th Room because nothing like that existed when I needed it.
The Brave Man Project — this podcast. It is about men, but not just for men. Men who broke under the weight of their own performance. Men who rebuilt and climbed so much higher.
The 13th Room is a space for the successful man who needs to change and knows it. 13 sessions, you and me. No fixing. Pure witnessing. Starts with a free 20-minute conversation.
Podcast website: thebravemanproject.com
Hamish's website: hamishniven.com
YouTube: @TheBraveManProject
LinkedIn: hamishniven
TikTok: @hamish.niven
Instagram: @hamishniven
Facebook: facebook.com/hamishniven
