You’re in the middle of it.
The fight has tipped over the edge, and your whole body is screaming "I have to get out of this room. Right now."
But you know what happens if you walk away. You’ve lived it a hundred times. If you leave, you’re stonewalling. You’re running. You’re shutting them out, you don’t care, you always do this....
So you stay. Because good partners stay and work it out. And your nervous system has nowhere to go, so it goes off like a bomb. Or you finally break and flee anyway, and the leaving becomes the new fight.
Either way, you lose. Stay and detonate, or leave and get convicted of abandonment.
Today, I'm handing you a third option. Because that feeling isn’t you being avoidant or cold or bad at love. It’s a flooded, overloaded, rejection-sensitive nervous system trying to protect a relationship it cares about enormously. Most conflict advice was designed for neurotypical brains, and “just stay in it and communicate” asks you to use the exact part of your brain that has already gone offline. There’s a tool for this. And it’s not "just communicate better."
IN THIS EPISODE
- Why “stay in it and use your words” is reasonable, research-backed advice.... for a nervous system that isn’t yours
- The two flavours of neurodivergent conflict: flooding (too much energy, too fast) and shutdown (the breaker tripped) plus how to easily tell them apart
- The checklist for each one, so you can finally name what’s happening while it’s happening
- Why women flood into fawning and over-explaining instead of yelling - and why we shut down while still nodding, saying “I’m fine”
- What’s going on between your amygdala and your prefrontal cortex that makes a pause necessary, not optional
- The exact line between a pause and stonewalling - same action, two completely opposite messages
- The Pause Protocol: name it, hold it, come back - including the one step you can never, ever skip
- How to regulate during a pause based on your pattern (move the energy vs. cut the input), what to do when the pause turns into an RSD spiral, and what to try if your partner won’t get on board
MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE
- Free guide: How to Stop the RSD Spiral: JennaDalton.com/rsd
- Episode 7: How Rejection Sensitivity Hijacks Your Relationship (+ 4 Steps to Slow Its Roll)
- Free quiz: Is It Actually Me?: JennaDalton.com/quiz
LOVED THIS EPISODE?
Subscribe so you don’t miss what’s coming, leave a rating wherever you listen, and send this one to the woman who’s been told she stonewalls when what she was actually doing was trying not to blow up with the person she loves. Or send it to your partner and help them finally get it.
CONNECT
A NOTE
This podcast is for educational purposes and is not a substitute for therapy or mental health care. If you’re in crisis, please reach out to a local crisis line or emergency service.
