When Mez became a mum, she was certain she knew exactly how she wanted to parent.
She wanted to co-sleep. She wanted to follow her baby's lead. She wanted the beautiful, connected version of motherhood she'd imagined for so long.
Instead, she found herself awake every 30 to 45 minutes, going to bed at 7pm just to survive, questioning everything she believed about herself as a mum, and desperately trying to convince herself that this was simply the sacrifice motherhood demanded.
The hardest part wasn't the sleep deprivation.
It was the shame.
Shame that co-sleeping wasn't working. Shame that she needed help. Shame that the version of motherhood she had dreamed of no longer matched the reality she was living.
On the first night of sleep training, Mez sat alone in the garage with the baby monitor in her hands and cried harder than her baby did. She was terrified she was making the biggest mistake of her life.
This episode isn't about telling you to co-sleep or to sleep train.
It's about what happens when the internet tells you there is only one "right" way to be a good mum, and what it takes to let go of that guilt when your baby, your mental health and your family need something different.
We talk about co-sleeping, baby sleep, sleep deprivation, sleep training, mum guilt, perinatal mental health, identity, social media pressure and why suffering should never be the price of proving you love your child.
If you've ever laid awake wondering whether you're failing because motherhood doesn't look the way you thought it would, this conversation will stay with you.
To see more of Mez, follow @awakeat3am.podcast and @sophiassleepschool for more sleep tips!
