You're struggling with your sex life, you're desperately missing your partner, and every time you try to talk about it, they change the subject, get irritated, or simply stay silent. Eventually, you stop bringing it up, even though the wanting hasn't gone away. In that silence, your mind starts filling in the gaps with assumptions you haven't checked for accuracy, leaving you wondering whether you're incompatible, whether your partner still loves you, or whether this is the beginning of the end.
When your partner won't talk about sex, it's easy to start treating their silence as proof that something is wrong with your relationship. You may not realize how much your own beliefs about sex and compatibility are shaping those conclusions, or that your partner may be carrying an entirely different story about what's happening between you. Meanwhile, you may be grieving the sexual connection you once had, or the one you hoped you'd have together, while still sharing your everyday life with your partner.
In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I explain how our beliefs about sex and compatibility shape the way we respond when intimacy becomes difficult, and why your partner might be avoiding the conversation altogether. I share ways to recognize and reframe the assumptions you're making so you can approach your partner with more curiosity and less pressure. We also talk about the grief that can come with losing sexual connection and how to think about the future of your relationship if you've made a genuine effort to address what's happening and your partner still won't engage.
2:28 – The beliefs about sex and compatibility that shape your response when intimacy gets difficult
4:16 – Treating your partner's silence as evidence that your relationship is failing
5:04 – What research reveals about sexual satisfaction and believing your sex life can improve
6:28 – The fears that may be making conversations about sex difficult for your partner
7:55 – Recognizing and reframing the assumptions you're making about your partner's silence
9:11 – Inviting your partner to talk about sex without creating pressure
10:32 – Grieving the loss of sexual connection while you're still together
12:41 – Deciding whether you're sexually incompatible when your partner won't discuss your sex life
14:06 – Setting boundaries and considering whether you can still feel fulfilled in your relationship
Mentioned In How to Talk About Sex When Your Partner Shuts Down
Why Your Partner Gets Defensive When You're Not Actually Criticizing Them
How to Ask Your Partner to Go to Couples Therapy
The Difference Between Boundaries and Ultimatums in Relationships
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