You can be talking to your partner about the same relationship and interpret the conversation completely differently. I learned that recently when I told my partner, Dallas, I was feeling disconnected and found out he heard that very differently than I intended it. Neither of us knew there was a misunderstanding until we actually talked about what that word meant to each of us.
While I spend my days talking about sex and relationships as a couples therapist, Dallas didn’t grow up talking about feelings and certainly didn’t learn to do it during his time in the Marine Corps. We have very different levels of comfort with some of these conversations, so we’ve had to keep talking through what we each mean and what we need from each other.
In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, Dallas joins me to answer relationship questions about sex and connection from Reddit. We start with aftercare and what partners may need from each other after sex, then get into emotional connection and why deeper conversations can feel so uncomfortable. We also share how these conversations have shown up in our own relationship and what we’ve learned from having them together.
1:13 - Answering Reddit relationship questions with Valerie’s partner, Dallas
3:06 - What aftercare can look like and how to ask your partner what they want after sex
6:06 - How Valerie and Dallas realized they meant very different things by “feeling disconnected”
10:02 - What someone may mean when they need emotional connection before sex
13:26 - Can you get an avoidant partner to have deeper, more honest conversations?
15:45 - How Dallas became more comfortable talking about feelings and vulnerability
18:41 - Why difficult conversations trigger defensiveness and how responding gently can build trust
19:51 - What happened when Dallas shared something deeply vulnerable with Valerie
22:19 - How deeper communication changed the way Dallas experiences their relationship
Mentioned In Answering Relationship Questions About Sex and Connection
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