You found porn on your partner’s phone, and now you’re wondering if watching porn is cheating or if you’re overreacting. Or maybe you’re the one whose partner found it, and you genuinely don’t understand why something you never considered cheating suddenly feels like betrayal to them. Either way, you can end up arguing about a question neither of you ever actually said out loud.
That’s why couples can so easily talk past each other when it comes to porn. One person is focused on the fact that no touching happened and no one else was in the room. The other is focused on sexual arousal happening outside the relationship and the fact that it was kept from them. When you’ve never talked about what porn means in your relationship, that silence can create a gap between what each of you thought you had agreed to.
In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I break down three common myths about porn in relationships, including whether it counts as cheating, whether it harms relationships, and whether regular use means addiction. I also explain what the research actually tells us about when porn creates problems and how to have the conversation that may have needed to happen much earlier.
3:19 - Myth #1: watching porn is either always cheating or never cheating
4:33 - The unspoken assumption almost every couple carries about porn
5:26 - Myth #2: watching porn is bad for relationships across the board
6:40 - The pattern that predicts whether porn will harm your relationship
7:26 - Myth #3: watching porn means you have or are developing an addiction
8:55 - The biggest predictor of whether someone believes they're "addicted" to porn
10:23 - Three things that tie all these myths together (and actually do the relationship damage that porn gets blamed for)
11:54 - Four tips on how you can have a real conversation about porn in your relationship with your partner
Mentioned In Is Watching Porn Cheating in a Relationship?
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