The Cornell 7, consent, victim blaming, gender conditioning, and what it actually takes to create safety.
This is an episode I wish we didn't need to have.
But we do.
The Cornell 7 case opened up a much bigger conversation for me about rape, consent, the ways women are taught to keep themselves safe, the ways men are conditioned around emotion, sex and power — and how badly we are still failing survivors.
In this episode, I'm talking about the things we're often too uncomfortable to say out loud.
I talk about the Cornell 7, the group chats, the silence of the people who witness harmful behavior and say nothing, and why preventing sexual violence cannot continue to be a job we hand exclusively to women.
I also share my own experience as a rape survivor.
I talk about freezing. Dissociating. Leaving my body. And eventually learning that what I had blamed myself for was actually my body's attempt to protect me.
Because consent isn't just about knowing how to say no.
It's about knowing that your body is yours.
A bitch knows her body is law.
And if we're actually interested in making people safer, we have to go much further than teaching women how to recognize warning signs, carry pepper spray, watch their drinks, take self-defense classes, or avoid dangerous situations.
We have to talk about the people causing the harm.
We have to talk about the conditioning underneath it.
We have to talk to men.
We have to talk to women.
And we have to get much, much better at what happens when someone tells us they've been assaulted.
The Cornell 7 case and the larger conversation it sparked for me
What happens when people witness harmful behavior and stay silent
Why learning to listen to your body's yes and no matters
The ways men and women are conditioned differently around emotion, safety, sex, and power
Why sexual violence prevention cannot remain women's responsibility
My own experience with rape, freezing, and dissociation
The shame survivors can carry for how their bodies responded
What support can actually look like after trauma
How our reactions can unintentionally shame or re-victimize survivors
What to do when someone discloses that they've been sexually assaulted
Why men need to be actively involved in changing this culture
What education, activism, and collective responsibility can actually look like
Why real safety requires more than teaching individual people how to protect themselves
Years ago, I taught healthcare practitioners how to work with patients who had experienced rape and sexual assault.
And recording this episode made something very clear to me:
This information shouldn't only belong to practitioners.
We should all know what to do when someone we love tells us they've been raped.
We should know what to say.
We should know what not to say.
We should understand what may be happening in their body.
And we should know how to support them without taking away even more of their agency.
So I'm bringing that teaching back — this time for everyone.
It will be available for $0 / pay what you want, because I want this information to be accessible to anyone who needs it.
If you want to know when it drops: Sign Up Here
00:00 — Why this episode matters
02:03 — The Cornell 7 and the reactions surrounding the case
04:00 — Group chats, bystanders, and the problem with silence
05:53 — Your body, consent, and learning to listen to your signals
08:06 — How we condition men and women differently
09:53 — Men, emotion, anger, and support
12:04 — Education, activism, and what actually creates change
14:00 — My experience with rape, dissociation, and healing
16:05 — What survivors actually need from the people around them
18:07 — What to do when someone tells you they've been assaulted
19:58 — The cultural shift required to create real safety
21:47 — Why men and women both have a role in changing this
24:09 — Education and collective responsibility
26:10 — Where we go from here
