Most of us think good listening means staying quiet. But great listeners do something else as well—they ask better questions.
When someone is struggling, it's natural to want to offer advice, share our own experience, or tell them what we think they should do. But what if, instead of giving another answer, we asked another question?
In this episode, I explore one of the most powerful listening skills I know: Ask, Don't Tell. Drawing on compassion, motivational interviewing, and over 25 years of clinical psychology, I'll show you how turning advice into thoughtful questions can help people discover their own wisdom, strengthen relationships, and create deeper, more meaningful conversations.
You'll also learn a practical framework of eight different question types—from opening and exploring questions through to strength, possibility and commitment questions—that you can start using immediately in everyday life, whether you're a parent, partner, friend, leader, coach, therapist or simply someone who wants to listen more compassionately.
If you've ever wondered how to become a better listener, it might start with asking better questions.
Timestamps:
00:00 A childhood question I never forgot
00:50 Why good questions matter so much
01:30 Ask, don't tell: a simple listening shift
02:28 Turning advice into thoughtful questions
03:22 The motivational interviewing mindset
04:19 Open versus closed questions
05:34 Eight question types for better listening
05:52 Opening, exploring and clarifying questions
06:47 Perspective and balancing questions
07:27 Strength, possibility and commitment questions
08:51 Avoiding advice disguised as questions
09:36 The quiet power of curiosity
Links:
If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/
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Website: https://www.stansteindl.com/
YouTube Video URL: https://youtu.be/pCJN49ez_Mw
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Video hashtags:
listening, listeningskills, communicationskills, motivationalinterviewing, compassion, psychology
