Most of us think listening is easy. But if we're honest, we often listen with the intention to reply, advise, fix, persuade, or tell our own story.
In this follow-up to my recent episode on listening as compassion, I explore what compassionate listening actually looks like in practice. Drawing on ideas from compassion-focused therapy, motivational interviewing, and the work of Carl Rogers, I share seven simple skills that can help us become better listeners in our everyday lives.
These aren't just communication techniques. They are ways of creating the kind of safety and understanding that help people feel heard, valued, and less alone.
In this video, you'll learn:
. Why "No Fixin'" is often the best place to start
. How to "Ask, Don't Tell”
. Why reflection is one of the most powerful listening skills
. How to listen for feelings and deeper meaning
. Why silence is often where the real conversation begins
. What it means to put your agenda down
. Why understanding someone doesn't require agreeing with them
Whether you're a therapist, coach, leader, teacher, parent, partner, or friend, these skills can help you have more compassionate and meaningful conversations.
As Carl Rogers famously said: "The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” Perhaps something similar is true in our conversations. When people feel accepted and understood, they often find their own way forward.
I'd love to hear from you in the comments. Which of these listening skills comes most naturally to you? And which one do you find most challenging?
Timestamps:
00:00 Why Listening Is Compassion
00:50 Threat vs Curiosity
01:14 Tip 1 No Fixing
02:13 Tip 2 Ask Dont Tell
04:02 Tip 3 If In Doubt Reflect
05:08 Tip 4 Feelings and Meaning
07:20 Tip 5 Make Friends With Silence
08:16 Tip 6 Put Your Agenda Down
09:10 Tip 7 Understand Without Agreeing
10:15 Key Takeaways and Closing
Links:
If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/
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Video hashtags:
compassionatelistening, compassion, selfcompassion, empathy, psychology, communicationskills
