Why do painful experiences sometimes spiral into shame and harsh self-criticism?
In this excerpt from my conversation with clinical psychologist Dr Chris Irons, we explore a powerful idea in Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT): the Third Arrow. Building on the traditional Buddhist teaching of the Two Arrows, Chris explains how Paul Gilbert recognised an additional layer of suffering that many of us experience—shame and self-criticism about our pain.
Together we explore how shame can trap us in a "bubble" of threat, why reconnection often takes courage, the qualities of the compassionate self, the difference between internal and external shame, and how compassionate inquiry can help us respond to suffering with greater wisdom, strength and care.
This is one of my favourite moments from our full conversation and beautifully captures the heart of Compassion Focused Therapy.
If you enjoy this excerpt, be sure to watch the complete interview with Chris Irons on the channel.
https://youtu.be/mfK3XBCWQWg
And I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments. Which idea resonated most with you?
Timestamps:
00:00 The Third Arrow
00:18 The Buddhist Two Arrows
01:08 Paul Gilbert's Third Arrow
01:45 Shame, Self-Criticism and the Bubble
02:40 Why CFT Attends to All Three Arrows
03:40 Reconnection Takes Courage
04:45 The Compassionate Self
05:50 Who's Walking the Dog?
06:50 Internal and External Shame
07:55 Compassionate Inquiry
Links:
If you would like to learn more about compassion focused therapy, you can find Dr Stan Steindl's book The Gifts of Compassion here: https://www.ausapress.com/p/the-gifts-of-compassion-how-to-understand-and-overcome-suffering/
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Video hashtags:
compassionfocusedtherapy, compassion, selfcriticism, shame, paulgilbert, chrisirons
