Episode summary
Humility and humiliation sit so close together that we often feel them in the same breath. In this conversation, Dr. Janet Steinkamp and her daughter Brianna gently pull the two apart. One is a choice we make, openness, curiosity, a willingness to keep learning. The other is something we feel, shamed, diminished, our dignity on the line. Together they walk through what it actually takes to set humiliation down, and why humility turns out to be the stronger place to stand when we are trying to find our way back to each other.
In This Episode
- Why humility is a choice we make, and humiliation is something we feel, imposed or perceived
- How the need to be right, and the need to be validated, can keep us locked in a fight that no one wins
- The quiet power of naming our own part before anyone else can, and setting the weight of shame down
- What our reactions, the sighs, the big feelings, the volume, keep saying to an adult child long after the words are gone
- Why stepping back can be an act of humility, not surrender
- How reconnection is built on mutual humility, not mutual humiliation
“Reconciliation is built through mutual humility, not mutual humiliation.” Dr. Janet Steinkamp
Voices from this episode
“When I switched to a more humble mindset, I felt like a thousand pounds got lifted off of me. It was one end of the spectrum to the other. A huge swing.” Brianna
“For me, the humiliating part was never really the mistake. It was being caught and called out for it. So if you can call yourself out before anyone else does, you take the power out of humiliation.” Brianna
“Parents always ask me, I wonder if they even remember me saying this. And I tell them, your voice is in their head. I promise you.” Dr. Janet
“One of the most impactful moments for me was when you stopped reaching out. To me, that was you humbling yourself. It was the opposite of what a parent usually does, and humility played a part in that.” Brianna
Connect
Find us on YouTube at @DrJanetSteinkamp for these conversations in video.
If this one meant something, please share it with someone who might be walking through estrangement too. None of us should have to walk through this alone.
One Next Step
There is a place to bring these questions in real time. Dr. Janet and Brianna host Virtual Office Hours, a low-pressure, come-as-we-are space for the very things this episode stirs up. Register on the website.
#FamilyEstrangement #AdultChildren #EstrangedParents #ParentingAdultChildren #Reconciliation #FamilyHealing #HumilityVsHumiliation #EstrangementRecovery #WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway #DrJanetSteinkamp #FamilyRelationships #HealingFromEstrangement #ParentChildRelationship #ShameAndHealing #Reconnection
LEARN MORE: WhenOurAdultChildrenWalkAway.com
Produced by Balancing Life's Issues
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DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
