Unconditional love and a reciprocal relationship are not the same thing. Importantly, participation in a relationship is each individual's choice.
In this conversation, Dr. Janet and Brianna sit with why that difference matters so much in estrangement. We can love someone unconditionally as an individual. We are not able to build a healthy relationship with them on our own. Both people must choose to participate because a reciprocal relationship asks both people to show up, to define boundaries together, and to keep choosing each other as adults.
Janet and Brianna trace the clunky shift from parent and child into an adult to adult relationship, the space that first led to their estrangement, and then made their own repair possible. Learn the simple set of questions that can bring a strained or estranged relationship back into balance.
IN THIS EPISODE
- Why unconditional love and a reciprocal relationship are two separate things, and why blending them keeps us stuck
- The clunky, awkward shift from parent as decider into a relationship between two adults, and why naming it helps
- How constant contact and social media reshape the way our children grow into their own lives
- Why space, and sometimes no contact, can be the most powerful move toward repair
- The four questions that help both people find their way back to balance
- How boundaries, demands, and expectations differ, and how they are meant to change over time
- Why disagreement is not rejection, for parents or for adult children
CORE MESSAGE
"I can love you unconditionally by myself. I cannot create a healthy relationship with you by myself." Dr. Janet Steinkamp
VOICES FROM THIS EPISODE
"Unconditional love and reciprocal relationships do not go hand in hand. They are two different things." Brianna
"I had to step away from being the unilateral decision maker, and I cannot tell you how much better life feels not carrying that anymore." Dr. Janet
"Respecting the space we ask for is the most powerful thing a parent can do for the relationship." Brianna
"Our kids do not stop loving us, even when they are setting boundaries. It is the relationship that needs the focus." Brianna
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ONE NEXT STEP AWAY
If this conversation gave you something to sit with or left you with unanswered questions, please attend Virtual Office Hours. Janet and Brianna host these sessions together, so they can hear from you directly. Register at https://www.whenouradultchildrenwalkaway.com/office-hours
#FamilyEstrangement #EstrangedAdultChildren #Boundaries #WOACWAOTHER SERVICES
Produced by Balancing Life's Issues.
Hi Listeners. I'd love to hear from you!
DISCLAIMER
The content of this podcast is based on my professional work as an estrangement coach and my personal estrangement journey. Any examples, characters, or stories referenced are drawn from my own lived experience or represent a composite of multiple real-life situations shared with me over time.
PROFESSIONAL STANDARDS: Dr. Janet Steinkamp
When Our Adult Children Walk Away with Dr. Janet Steinkamp explores healthy communication, ethical interaction, safe family relationships, and reciprocal (appropriate) boundaries.
The podcast provides education and support for parents navigating family estrangement, communication breakdowns, grief, reconciliation efforts, healthy boundary development and adult family relationship dynamics.
Dr. Janet Steinkamp's work emphasizes emotionally healthy communication, adult accountability, ethical and safe relationship practices, mutual respect and appropriate boundaries, voluntary communication and reconnection and safe and appropriate family systems.
Listeners gain practical tools to improve communication, understand the dynamics of estrangement, and pursue emotional responsibility, compassion, and integrity.
