You've heard people talk about EMDR. Maybe you've even heard incredible stories about how much it helped someone heal from trauma.
But what actually happens during EMDR?
Are you really just watching a light move back and forth? Do you have to relive every painful thing that happened to you? And what if your trauma feels so overwhelming that you don't even want to open that door?
In this episode of the Adult Child of Dysfunction Podcast, I'm joined by Rebecca Malley Fitzgerald, LCPC, owner of Shift Counseling PC in the Chicago suburbs. Rebecca has been practicing EMDR since 2009 and specializes in short-term adjunct EMDR therapy.
And we're doing something I've wanted to do for a while:
We're breaking EMDR down in plain English.
EMDR stands for Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, but Rebecca explains that the process is much more individualized than the name might suggest.
Often, someone comes into therapy because there's something they simply can't seem to get past. A current situation may feel disproportionately overwhelming, but when you begin looking underneath it, you may discover an older experience connected to feeling unlovable, abandoned, unsafe, or helpless.
That's especially relevant for adult children of dysfunctional families.
Because sometimes the thing triggering you today isn't only about today.
We talk about how an experience can become connected to earlier beliefs and memories—and why two people can go through similar experiences but process them very differently depending on the support they had at the time.
Rebecca also walks us through what actually happens during an EMDR session, including identifying a memory or image, the belief connected to it, the emotions and physical sensations that arise, and the use of bilateral stimulation such as tapping, the butterfly hug, visual movement, or alternating audio.
We talk about:
- What EMDR actually is
- How EMDR works in a therapy session
- Bilateral stimulation and the nervous system
- Why present-day triggers can connect to childhood experiences
- EMDR for childhood and complex trauma
- Why regulation and preparation matter before processing trauma
- Why you don't have to compare your trauma to someone else's
- What adjunct EMDR therapy means
- Whether you should try EMDR techniques by yourself
- The difference between regulation tools and processing trauma on your own
- The Flash Technique
- What happens when a memory feels too overwhelming to approach
- Resourcing before trauma processing
- Dissociation and complex trauma
- Unmet developmental needs
- Inner-child and reparenting concepts
- Why healing doesn't always have to mean years of suffering
One of the most interesting parts of this episode is our conversation about the Flash Technique.
Rebecca explains that it developed from the EMDR world as a way of working with material that may feel too distressing for someone to fully activate and focus on. Rather than immersing yourself in every detail of the traumatic experience, the technique uses a much lighter touch on the distressing target while engaging with positive material and bilateral stimulation.
For someone thinking:
“I know I need help, but I don't want to go back into all of that.”
This part of the conversation may be especially interesting.
We also talk about something I believe strongly in:
Your trauma doesn't have to be “bad enough” compared with somebody else's trauma to deserve attention.
If something changed the way you see yourself, relationships, safety, love, or the world around you—and it's still affecting how you show up today—it's worth exploring.
Rebecca also explains how EMDR-related approaches can incorporate work around unmet childhood needs. Instead of reinforcing the belief “I didn't receive love because I wasn't lovable,” the work can help someone begin recognizing:
I had needs that weren't met.
Those are two very different stories to carry through life.
And if you've avoided trauma therapy because you're afraid it will mean opening everything up and becoming completely overwhelmed, I especially want you to hear Rebecca's final message.
Trauma treatment doesn't necessarily have to be scary or take forever. The appropriate approach depends on the person, their history, their support, their readiness, and what they're trying to work through.
You don't have to suffer simply because you've been suffering for a long time.
There may be another way forward.
💜 CONNECT WITH REBECCA MALLEY FITZGERALD
Rebecca is an LCPC and owner of Shift Counseling PC in the Chicago suburbs. She notes in the episode that she is licensed to work with clients in Illinois.
Connect with Rebecca on LinkedIn
Visit Shift Counseling PC
