Have you ever had a relatively small situation create a surprisingly big emotional reaction?
Someone doesn’t text you back. Your partner’s tone changes. Someone seems irritated. You feel left out, criticized, or unappreciated—and suddenly your mind is creating an entire story about what it means.
If you grew up in a dysfunctional or unpredictable family, there may be a reason those moments feel so intense.
In this Tammy’s Takes, I’m following up on my conversation with Meagan DeMatteo and going deeper into something we discussed called emotional sobriety—learning how to experience our emotions without automatically allowing them to determine what something means or what we do next.
For many adult children of dysfunction, being highly aware of other people was once a survival skill. We learned to watch faces, listen to changes in tone, sense the energy in the room, anticipate what might happen next, and adjust ourselves accordingly.
But those patterns don’t necessarily disappear when childhood ends.
Sometimes the person or situation in front of us activates something much older. The emotion we're experiencing is absolutely real—but the story our brain attaches to that emotion may not be the whole truth.
In this episode, I’ll teach you how to begin separating three things that can happen so quickly they feel like one:
The trigger. The feeling. The story.
We’ll also talk about why a big reaction can sometimes be a clue that an old belief or wound has been activated, and how my Body Before Story approach can help you slow down before automatically reacting.
I’ll give you three questions you can use when you notice yourself becoming activated:
What am I feeling?
What story am I telling myself about what just happened?
What do I actually know to be true?
Because there’s a big difference between:
“She hasn't answered my text.”
and
“She hasn't answered because she's upset with me, I did something wrong, and she's pulling away.”
One is what happened.
The other is the story your nervous system may be creating around what happened.
The goal isn't to stop having emotions. Anger, sadness, fear, anxiety, frustration and hurt can all give us valuable information.
The work is learning how to feel the emotion without automatically handing it the steering wheel.
And that little bit of space between the trigger and your response? That’s where you begin to have something you may not have had when you were growing up:
Choice.
💜 READY TO UNDERSTAND THE PATTERNS UNDERNEATH YOUR REACTIONS?
If you grew up in dysfunction and find yourself overthinking, people-pleasing, fearing rejection, shutting down, reacting strongly, or constantly trying to figure out what everyone around you is thinking or feeling, this is exactly the kind of work I help people with.
Book your complimentary Clarity & Calm Call here:
Book Your Complimentary Clarity & Calm Call
We can look at the patterns that keep showing up in your life, what may be underneath them, and how you can begin building more nervous system safety, emotional regulation, and self-trust.
💜 You survived the dysfunction. Now you get to discover who you are beyond it.
