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In this episode, I’m back with sex researcher Melanie Curtin for part two, and we start with something I’ll admit right up front. I can talk to any stranger about anything, and I still find it hard to tell a man in bed that he’s crossed a line or that something hurts.
Melanie’s research shows I’m far from alone. Just under half of the women she surveyed said telling a partner what isn’t working is a 7 out of 10 or harder, and 10% called it impossible. She walks me through the four fears underneath that silence, and why grinning and bearing it can feel safer than risking the relationship. Then she explains what men can do about it: lead instead of waiting, and say thank you when she finally tells the truth, even when it stings.
From there we get into her heart-power matrix, why the nice guy and the bad boy both leave women unsatisfied, and what women really mean when they say they want to feel ravished. Melanie also explains why trauma bonds can pull harder than chemistry, why so many men are lonelier than they realize, and why the best way to attract a healthy partner is to do your own work first.
In This Episode:
0:00 – Sponsor: OBOO
0:39 – Welcome Back to Part Two
1:32 – Why It’s Still Hard to Say “That Hurts”
2:44 – Fear 1: He’ll Lash Out
3:23 – Fear 2: He’ll Pull Away
4:09 – Fear 3: Feeling Like Something’s Wrong With Her
4:48 – Fear 4: Being Judged for What She Wants
6:00 – “Thank You for Telling Me”: How to Be a Safe Man
6:53 – When Silence Ends a Marriage
7:39 – Passive, Aggressive, or Leading?
9:36 – The Heart-Power Matrix
10:55 – What Polarity Really Means
11:47 – Too Nice vs. Too Rough: What Women Said
12:53 – The Integrated Man
14:12 – Feeling Taken and Safe at the Same Time
16:36 – Nice Guys, Players & Why Men Are So Lonely
18:34 – Why Women Go for the Bad Boy
19:52 – “He Read Me Like a Book”
20:45 – From Nice Guy to Bold and Direct
22:56 – Does Sex Make Women Bond Faster?
23:48 – Trauma Bonds & Attracting a Healthy Partner
26:12 – How the Patriarchy Hurts Men
27:31 – Where to Find Melanie
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
About The Guest:
Melanie Curtin is a sex and relationship coach and Stanford-educated sex researcher whose research is published in the Harvard Dataverse. She helps growth-minded men have thriving sex and love lives, whether they’re single or partnered. She surveyed 1,067 women about what makes a man great in bed, what makes him forgettable, and what they wish they’d told a past partner. She’s also the host of the Dear Men podcast.
Connect with Melanie Curtin:
Website:https://www.melaniecurtin.com
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/melaniebcurtin/
LinkedIn:https://www.linkedin.com/in/melaniecurtin
Podcast - Dear Menhttps://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dear-men-how-to-rock-sex-datingand-relationships-with-women/id1347811999
About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack:https://karenbigman.substack.com
