Do men need emotional connection to feel desire? The story we all learned says men just need a body and an opportunity, and women are the ones who need to feel close first. For a lot of men, that story is backwards. They just never say it out loud.
I break down why men are taught from adolescence that wanting closeness is needy, and how that unspoken need shows up instead as irritability, withdrawal, or a sudden drop in desire. I explain the difference between vasopressin and oxytocin, why men often bond through shared effort and shared goals instead of long conversations, and how attachment style can make a guarded man disengage from intimacy as a form of protection, even decades into a relationship.
Then I walk through the five places connection gets built or lost in long-term and midlife relationships: open communication, active listening, quality time, empathy, and physical touch outside the bedroom. You’ll hear what each one looks like in real life, why empty nest couples often lose quality time to logistics, and the easiest one you can restart tonight.
This episode is sponsored by ARYA, a monthly intimacy membership curated by AASECT-certified sexologists. Take the quiz at arya.fyi and use code TRUTH15 for 15% off.
Check out my S*x Snacks: https://www.taboototruth.com/post/sex-snacks
In This Episode:
0:00 – Do Men Need Emotional Connection to Want S*x?
0:07 – The Man Who Proved Me Wrong
0:30 – Why the “Men Just Need a Body” Story Is Backwards
1:20 – Attachment Style and Why He Pulls Away
2:19 – 5 Places Connection Is Built: #1 Open Communication
3:26 – #2 Active Listening
3:56 – Sponsor: ARIA
4:32 – #3 Quality Time: Vasopressin vs. Oxytocin
5:22 – #4 Empathy Without Fixing
6:12 – #5 Touch Outside the Bedroom
6:43 – Final Thoughts: Look for the Disconnection First
To watch the video version of this episode, head over to YouTube!
About The Host:
Karen Bigman, a Sexual Health Alliance Certified Sex Educator, Life, and Relationship Coach. She tackles the often-taboo subject of sexuality with a straightforward and candid approach. On this show, we explore the intricacies of sex in midlife, offering insights and support for all those experiencing this transformative phase.
This podcast is not intended to give medical advice. Karen Bigman is not a medical professional. For any medical questions or issues, please visit your licensed medical provider.
Looking for some fresh perspective on sex in midlife? You can find me here:
Email: karen@taboototruth.com
Website: https://www.taboototruth.com/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/taboototruth
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@taboototruthpodcast
Substack:https://karenbigman.substack.com
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