Have you ever gotten good news from a friend and felt bad instead of happy for them? Or someone in the group chat announced they’re pregnant — and instead of feeling excited, you felt a little sick to your stomach. And then you felt guilty for feeling that way, so you typed “congratulations” and moved on.
The truth is, all of us feel envy sometimes. But most of us have been taught to get rid of it. We’ve heard that comparison is the thief of joy. G my guest today says that’s because envy isn’t a sign that there’s something wrong with you — it’s information about what you actually want.
My guest is Dr. Stacy Kim, a social scientist who has done research at Columbia University’s National Center for Children and Families and the Families and Work Institute. Her new book is Envy.
Some of the things we discuss are:
The real difference between envy and jealousy and why using them interchangeably keeps you stuck
Why “comparison is the thief of joy” is bad advice
The four components of envy that reveal what your envy is actually trying to tell you
What envy means about the gap between where you are and where you want to be
The intangible desire hiding underneath every object of your envy
Why gratitude isn’t the antidote to envy
The Korean word for envy that doesn’t exist in English and how having two words for it changes everything
Why high achievers and over-givers tend to experience more envy
The four questions to ask yourself on an index card the next time envy shows up
How to handle the hardest kind of envy
The Therapist’s Take: My top three strategies for letting your envy teach you something starting today
Related Episodes
196 — How Comparison Culture is Secretly Sabotaging Your Mental Strength
332 — Should You Sit With Your Feelings or Change How You Feel? The One Question That Decides It
Links & Resources
Envy
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