169. The Scapegoat Role: How Dysfunctional Systems Take Your Power, with Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

If you were the one in your family who saw the dysfunction clearly, named it, and then somehow ended up carrying all the shame for it, this episode is for you. I sat down with Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia, licensed clinical psychologist and trauma survivor, to talk about the scapegoat role: what it costs the person who sees clearly, and what it actually takes to take your power back.

We get into how systems, whether a family, a workplace, a religion, or a government, use the same tactics to maintain control: gaslighting, invalidation, silencing, blame-shifting. Dr. Deniz walks through why it can take years, or a big life event like a divorce, before someone has enough safety to actually see their own family's dysfunction, and how chronic invalidation disconnects us from our own bodies and inner knowing. We also talk about the difference between a past wound and a present harm, why self-regulation alone isn't enough if you're regulating your way through ongoing mistreatment, and what it means to finally come home to yourself. This conversation is honest, tender, and genuinely reparative.

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Top Episode Quotes:

1. "The person or people who are in that role as a scapegoat have an up close and personal experience with the dysfunction in a way that is less veiled than the other members of the family." - Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

2. "It's never gone though. It's just waiting till it's safe enough to return to it." - Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

3. "Am I just self-regulating and trying to find safety so I can keep tolerating the same condition?" - Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

4. "We need more truth tellers. We need more truth speakers. And that is both the burden and the gift of being a scapegoat." - Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

5. "Taking our power back for me comes through the body. This is where our knowing, our truth, our wisdom, our intelligence lives." - Dr. Deniz Ahmadinia

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