To mark five years of making this podcast, I invited the person who has heard every episode, encouraged every new idea, and occasionally reminded me to follow my own friendship advice. Welcome to my husband, Bryan!
Bryan hasn't been on Dear Nina since the first year! I brought him back to talk about what has surprised him after five years of listening to conversations about every aspect of friendship. He shared the theme he's been noticing beneath the friendship dilemmas: two people do not want the same type of friendship.
We also talk about one of the messages Bryan has heard me repeat the most: If you want to see a friend, reach out. Don’t sit back, keep score, or “match their energy.” That doesn’t mean giving everyone the same amount of time or continuing to chase people who never respond. Bryan puts it another way: Go where the heat is. Pay attention to the people who are glad to hear from you and who return your efforts in their own way.
We discuss:
- Why uneven desire is behind so many friendship questions that come my way
- Why Bryan believes “don’t wait” is some of the most useful advice from the show
- What to do instead of "matching someone else’s energy"
- Why electronic contact cannot fully replace phone calls and time together
- A past episode that changed how Bryan thinks about what we give to a friendship
- The friendship struggles I still have to work on myself!
- Why couple friendships work best when both partners help keep them going
- How Dear Nina grew from an advice column and listener letters into conversations with authors, researchers, therapists, and other friendship thinkers
A special thank-you to my brother-in-law, Dave Dluger, who helped me produce and edit the earliest Dear Nina episodes and convinced me I could learn how to make a podcast. And thank you to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs, who has become an essential part of nearly every podcast decision, guest conversation, and episode idea.
Listeners: Thank you for rooting for this show, sharing episodes with friends, sending your questions, and talking with me about friendship for so many years. This podcast would not be here without you!
Links mentioned:
ALL THE DEAR NINA LINKS + CONTACT INFO
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📪 email: dearninapodcast@gmail.com
🔎 Want to work with me on your podcast, your friendships, or need another link? That’s probably here.
Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!
