Group dynamics, feeling left out, and not waiting around for invitations
We have all felt that sting of not being invited. You see the pictures, hear about the dinner, find out there's a group chat, there was a weekend away—and you were not included. It can hurt, even when we know intellectually that every gathering cannot include every person. And even though we do not personally want 15 people at every thing we do.
This episode is a replay of a conversation I had with friendship educator Danielle Bayard Jackson, author of Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships and host of the Friend Forward podcast. Danielle has such a clear, honest way of talking about the harder parts of female friendship, and this topic needed her voice.
Danielle and I spoke about why not being invited can feel so personal, why it sometimes has nothing to do with us, and why some gatherings are built around a specific purpose, convenience, shared history, or a smaller dynamic.
We also get into the harder question: are there times when our own patterns make people less likely to include us? Maybe we often say no, cancel, talk about how busy we are, dominate the conversation, make people feel judged, stay glued to our phones, bring too much conflict into group settings, or make planning harder than it needs to be. This is not about blaming people for being left out. It's about giving ourselves choices beyond spiraling, assuming the worst, or waiting around to be chosen.
In this episode, we discuss:
- Why being left out hurts at every age
- Why not every plan is meant to include every friend
- Friendship patterns that may be worth examining
- How to stop spiraling and start making plans yourself so you're not waiting for invitations
- My visit to Danielle's podcast, Friend Forward, "Picking Your People: Choosing the Right Friends to Prioritize and Pursue" Apple, Spotify
I'm SO grateful to Danielle for tackling this topic with me. It's a hard one—and she was exactly the right guest for it.
Meet Danielle Bayard Jackson
Danielle Bayard Jackson is a friendship educator, speaker, and author of Fighting for Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships. She is the host of the Friend Forward podcast, the founder of Tell Public Relations, and the director of the Women’s Relational Health Institute, where she conducts research and creates training to support stronger female relationships. Find links for working with Danielle and all of her social media links at betterfemalefriendships.com.
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