How to Use Boundaries in Marriage: 2 Words, 3 Steps

What is the right way to use a boundary in marriage?

That's exactly what this episode is all about. Every now and then I have a guy who's trying to save his marriage, but his wife is doing something that's legitimately destructive. He often feels like he's being cornered into divorce.

My hope is that this episode will show you that there is indeed a way to say no to destructive behaviors in your spouse, but still say yes to the marriage.

We'll cover the two words that my entire approach to boundaries is based on, and then the three steps to set boundaries in a good faith way. We'll also make sure to talk about how to actually lift boundaries and what that process should look like.

• Free cheat sheet for this episode, no email required: https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-39
• Part 1, why boundary advice keeps ending marriages: https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-38
• Join Husband Help Group: https://husbandhelphaven.com/group

Timestamps

• 0:00 The third path
• 0:59 What goes wrong with boundary advice
• 4:38 Two words: conditional and protective
• 6:00 The condition has to be a disregard for safety
• 8:24 Protection is two questions
• 9:01 Step 1: express the hurt, ask for buy-in
• 10:40 Step 2: the boundary of insistence 12:33
• Step 3: the boundary of refusal
• 15:14 Am I still protected even if she doesn't care?
• 15:33 How a boundary comes back down
• 18:52 Standards are not boundaries
• 21:30 Three ways a boundary serves your marriage
• 24:01 The recap