Why Anger Is A Good Thing: Managing Emotions After Mormonism

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If you were raised to believe contention is of the devil, anger probably feels like proof that you're doing something wrong. It isn't. In this episode, Kristin explains what anger actually does, why women are shamed out of feeling it, and how to separate anger from aggression. She walks you through a five-step practice for turning anger into action, so you can stop abandoning yourself to keep the peace.

In this episode

• Why anger isn't a spiritual failure, and what it is instead
• The difference between anger and aggression
• Why "being offended is a choice" is gaslighting
• What suppressed anger turns into: snapping, passive aggression, resentment, depression
• A practice for accessing your anger and turning it into action
• How to set a real boundary (and why it isn't a demand on someone else)

Key takeaways

• Anger exists to protect. It guards your body, time, values, people, and sense of fairness. It shows you where you're being hurt and where you're giving up too much of yourself.
• Anger and aggression are not the same thing. Aggression includes yelling, threats, and slamming doors, but also the silent treatment, sarcasm, and withholding affection. It happens when you aren't allowed to be honest about what made you angry.
• Suppressed anger doesn't disappear. It leaks out as snapping at your kids, passive aggression, resentment, depression, or self-directed blame.
• Women are taught the problem is their anger, not the boundary that was crossed. That framing keeps you from detecting where your limits are.
• "Being offended is a choice" shifts blame to the victim. It takes a systemic problem and blames the person harmed by it.

The practice: turning anger into action

1. Feel it in the body. Notice where it lives. Don't rush past it or argue with it. Take a break if you need one.
2. Notice if you're angry about being angry. That means you're resisting anger, not processing it.
3. Find out why you're angry. Free write and ask: what line was crossed? Over time you'll see that many triggers trace back to the same underlying issue.
4. Speak it. Dealing with it silently means abandoning yourself and letting others cross your boundaries.
5. Set a boundary. A boundary is about what you will do, not what someone else is allowed to do. "If you yell at me, I will leave the house" is a boundary. "You aren't allowed to yell at me" is not.

Angry at the church, at the people who kept you quiet, at yourself for staying so long? That is information, not a flaw. Now it needs direction.

Download 5 Things Every Post-Mormon Woman Should Do and start rebuilding self-trust with a clear plan.