When my oldest moved out, I turned the empty basement room into a retreat just for me. I painted it purple. It ended up dark, moody, feminine, and a little sexy. That was the opposite of the light, bright, minimalist house upstairs. So I had to ask whether I'd ever actually chosen the rest of my home, or whether I'd just decorated to the expected standard.
In this episode I look at how high-control religion shapes your aesthetic, and why your taste is one of the fastest places to rebuild your identity.
In this episode:
Why I'd never decorated a space for myself before. I married at 19 and never lived on my own.
The approved Mormon aesthetic, from temple pictures and the Proclamation to the Greg Olsen painting and the vinyl lettering. It was never about beauty. It was about evidence.
The rainbow Jesus painting I hung after one of my kids came out, and why it felt so risky
How aesthetic choices become moral choices in a high-control system: "Is this appropriate?" replaces "Do I like this?"
Identity foreclosure: Erikson's model of adolescent exploration, and Marcia's term for committing to an identity without ever exploring
Why your taste often circles back to what you loved at 14, 15, and 16
Why clothing and decor are the low-stakes, everyday practice ground for rebuilding self-trust
Practical tips for rebuilding your taste:
Listen to the question you're asking. Is it "Is this appropriate?" and "Is this too much?" Or is it "Do I like it?"
Go back to before the foreclosure point. What you loved as a teenager is often your last real data point.
Find your version of the unmonitored room. A Pinterest board works. It requires no commitment and no money.
Treat it as creative practice, because it is.
Resources mentioned:
Erikson, E. H. (1968). Identity: Youth and Crisis. Norton.
Marcia, J. E. (1966). Development and validation of ego-identity status. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 3(5), 551–558.
Start your own reclamation: Book a free Reclamation Call HERE
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