In this episode, we dig into our relationship to making and receiving requests. The topic is inspired by Juno’s frustration with people who happily offer to do things for her unprompted, but grow irritated and hesitant when she asks directly for what she wants. We talk about how an offer can feel like a gift, while a request for the same thing can feel like a demand, the emotional labor of processing people’s requests, and pathological demand avoidance (PDA). We end up tracing our sometimes conflicting ways of communicating needs and desires back to our childhoods. Juno talks about having had to suppress her needs for most of her life, and the tendency now to express them at maximum intensity as a way of advocating for herself. Benzi shares her fear of disappointing people and how much she cares about Juno’s specific needs, which sometimes comes out as frustration. We also talk about our growing sensitivities as we reconnect with our bodies after abuse and trauma, how we each gauge the costs of saying “no” to someone we love, and the way children are denied real autonomy.
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