Most managers have one move in a hard conversation. They tell people what to do. It works until it doesn't, and when it stops working, most of us just tell harder.
Executive coach Heather Graves-Ramsey lays out three kinds of leadership conversations. Managing and mentoring both push. Coaching pulls. The difference is whether you walk in with the answer or walk in believing the person across from you can find it. She explains why the pulling conversation is so hard to learn, why it can feel like you're not doing your job, and why the manager who gets the least credit is often doing the most good.
Host, Brandon Laws, pushes on the obvious question. If anyone can get an answer in seconds from AI, what is a leader for? Heather's case is that the value is not in having answers. It is in the intuitive read, the follow-up nobody else would ask, and seeing something in a person they can't yet see in themselves.
You'll also hear her POWER model for preparing a conversation you're dreading, the three levels of listening, a trick for getting your own head out of the room, and a short list of questions to try with your team this week. Plus the story of the 11-year-old client who hissed at her for three sessions, and what finally broke through.
About our guest
Heather Graves-Ramsey is an executive coach and leadership development trainer and the owner of Coach to Brilliance, based in the Portland, Oregon area. She is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and trained through the Coaches Training Institute, with a background that spans business, counseling, and education, including time as a school-based mental health counselor. She works with individuals and teams on communication, retention, and leadership impact, and she is active in community leadership in Lake Oswego.
TIMESTAMPS
- 00:00 Intro and a word from Xenium HR
- 02:00 Why managing and mentoring both push, and coaching pulls
- 05:08 Why most leaders don't know which conversation to have
- 06:25 Watching a leader push when the moment calls for a pull
- 07:55 How problem solvers learn to ask instead of answer
- 10:20 Why leaders still matter when AI has all the answers
- 13:30 How to get better at asking powerful questions
- 16:12 Why new leaders can't hear their own intuition
- 17:45 How to quiet your own head and stay present
- 21:15 Why silence after a question is a good sign
- 22:50 Naming what isn't being said in the room
- 24:45 The 11-year-old who hissed
- 26:45 The POWER model for preparing a hard conversation
- 34:25 Questions to try with your team this week
- 36:20 Closing and where to find Heather
Resources from this episode
A QUICK GLIMPSE INTO OUR PODCAST
Podcast: Transform Your Workplace, sponsored by Xenium HR
Host: Brandon Laws
In Brandon's own words: "The Transform Your Workplace podcast is your go-to source for the latest workplace trends, big ideas, and time-tested methods straight from the mouths of industry experts and respected thought-leaders."
About Xenium HR
Xenium HR is on a mission to transform workplaces by providing expert outsourced HR and payroll services for small and medium-sized businesses. With a people-first approach, Xenium helps organizations create thriving work environments where employees feel valued and supported. From navigating compliance to enhancing workplace culture, Xenium offers tailored solutions that empower growth and simplify HR. Whether managing employee relations, payroll processing, or implementing impactful training programs, Xenium is the trusted partner businesses rely on to elevate their workplace experience. Discover how Xenium can transform your workplace:
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