In this episode, Heena talks with psychotherapist and author Lena Derhally about narcissistic abuse, how to support those experiencing harm, and the communal narcissist.
Lena shares the experience that became the foundation of her life's mission to help others recognize narcissistic patterns and push for real accountability. We talk about why emotional and psychological abuse can be as damaging as physical abuse, why survivors often are "a shell" of who they were, and what it actually looks like to support someone who isn't ready to leave. Heena shares her own experience of the people who showed up for her and how they did it.
Lena introduces the communal narcissist. the spiritual leader, healer, guru, or "good person" whose good deeds aren't about helping anyone, but about power, control, and admiration. We get into forms of narcissism, love bombing, and why the same person can seem wonderful in public and harmful in private, and the role of bystanders versus upstanders.
Other Topics:
The communal narcissist: how "doing good" can be a vehicle for power
More forms of narcissism: collective, malignant, and covert
Love bombing and the whiplash
Why it took Heena five years to leave
How privilege shapes who has the safety to speak up
Chapters 02:00 Why Narcissism Became Her Mission 10:52 Five Years, Three People 19:43 Supporting a Friend Not Ready to Leave 27:04 The Communal Narcissist 32:38 The Narcissism Spectrum 38:23 Whose Responsibility Is It? 41:48 From Bystander to Upstander 47:08 Teaching Kids to Spot Gaslighting
About Lena Derhally Lena is a licensed psychotherapist and author whose books explore narcissism and narcissistic abuse, including The Facebook Narcissist and My Daddy Is a Hero.
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