Davinia Taylor has been sober for nearly twenty years, and she still can't sit still. What if you were never chasing the drink, the goal or the weight, but the feeling of being enough?
This week Marisa Peer sits down with Davinia Taylor, Sunday Times bestselling author, founder of WillPowders and the UK's leading female biohacker, for a raw conversation about addiction, perfectionism and the belief underneath both.
Davinia has written four bestselling books, built a business and raised four boys, and has been sober for close to two decades. She is also, in her own words, still running. She is remarkably honest here about the fact that getting sober removed the alcohol but never touched what was driving it: the sense that she was not enough, and the need for more that came with it.
In this conversation, Davinia describes what withdrawal actually feels like, comparing it to the moment an oncologist told her mother she had six months to live. She explains why alcoholism is a disease of deceit that convinces you daily you don't have it, why she has searched for a trauma she has never found, and how an ADHD diagnosis in adulthood reframed her entire childhood.
Marisa and Davinia also explore why women scan past a hundred good reviews to find the one bad one, why perfection is the fastest route to loneliness, and why so many capable women find it almost impossible to sit still and do nothing.
Along with two live exercises you can do while you watch, and a quickfire round covering the diet rule millions of women still follow, why Davinia won't take HRT, and the lie she told herself about money for twenty years.
Watch to the end for the one shift Marisa says changes everything, and it takes no willpower at all.
0:00 - Intro 4:43 - What she was addicted to 5:42 - The ADHD diagnosis that came after her son's 7:18 - The first drink: dopamine, confidence, connection 8:30 - "I don't like being alone with myself" 8:54 - I have never met an addict who thought they were enough 9:59 - When you're not enough, you need more 12:15 - "I've done so much therapy looking for the trauma. There isn't one." 14:47 - The biggest lie we're told about alcoholism 15:40 - The sinking feeling, and the day the oncologist said six months 17:16 - Why logic never beats emotion 19:05 - People pleasing, and the only thing you can't buy 20:06 - Helen Mirren's greatest regret 24:25 - Why you go looking for the one bad review 24:47 - Why women had to be liked to survive 26:54 - Everything comes down to one question: am I safe? 27:30 - TRY THIS: I am safe to be me 31:41 - Is needing more still coming from lack? 32:01 - You cannot win the race to be perfect 33:12 - "Living in the moment is hard because it lacks excitement" 34:17 - You are a human being, not a human doing 36:00 - Trying implies failure, so choose it instead 41:34 - Perfection is the fast track to loneliness 42:21 - Why the children of perfect parents are the unhappiest 44:08 - Your greatest pain is a lie you've told yourself for years 46:41 - Friendship is built on shared vulnerability 49:51 - Finding rejection, avoiding connection 52:01 - The word in the middle of bored and excited 52:41 - Your brain is a proof seeking robot 53:40 - "I've chosen this, and I've chosen to love it" 54:38 - It's never the thing. It's the meaning you made of it. 57:17 - The sheer joy of missing out 1:00:00 - "If I'm bored, I'm boring" is a lie 1:01:05 - The dishwasher, twenty times a day 1:02:31 - Why a show home doesn't make children happy 1:03:28 - QUICKFIRE begins 1:04:00 - The health rule millions of women follow that is wrong 1:04:12 - "Most women don't need willpower. They need freedom." 1:04:47 - Her rule for hormones, and why she won't take HRT 1:05:36 - The biggest gift you can give your children 1:07:05 - The lie she told herself about money 1:08:51 - TRY THIS: I am enough, and I always have been 1:10:41 - Ageing is a gift not everyone gets 1:12:02 - Happiness is not a destination, it's a choice 1:15:06 - What she'd say to a woman drowning in shame 1:17:23 - Make praise familiar and criticism unfamiliar 1:20:33 - Be the one person who believes in you
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