Past relationship trauma can quietly shape the relationship you're in now, even when your current partner has done nothing to cause it. Your ex cheated on you, so you check your partner's phone. Or a former partner emotionally disappeared when things got serious, so now you find yourself bracing for the same thing to happen again.
This is one way betrayal trauma can follow you into a new relationship. Your brain may understand that your current partner is different, while your nervous system is still reacting to patterns it learned in the past. That can leave you questioning whether what you're feeling is a warning about this relationship or a response to something that already happened.
In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I explain how past relationship trauma can show up through hypervigilance, comparison, testing, avoidance, and reactions around touch and sex. I also share how to separate old pattern matching from what is actually happening now, build new evidence of safety, and decide when and how to talk to a new partner about your past.
2:13 – The difference between an ordinary heartbreak and betrayal trauma
5:13 – Why betrayal trauma responses happen in the first place
6:24 – Four ways betrayal trauma can show up in your current relationship, even when your partner hasn't done anything wrong
10:38 – An example of trauma I often see as a sex therapist, and how a small change helped one client rebuild trust in their partner
14:33 – How to tell whether or not you’re truly dealing with a trauma response
15:17 – How I help current couples work through reactions to past relationship trauma
18:22 – When and how to tell a new partner about a past traumatic relationship
Mentioned In When Past Relationship Trauma Shows Up With a New Partner
How Trauma Affects Your Romantic Relationships
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