If you’re checking how long it's been since you last had sex or bringing up an ex just to see how your partner reacts, you've probably told yourself it's harmless. But what if the behaviors you’re using to feel safer in your relationship are actually creating more distance between you and your partner?
Anxious attachment doesn’t always look like obvious clinginess or pursuit. Sometimes it shows up through testing, monitoring, or keeping score, especially when your nervous system is looking for proof that you’re still wanted and the relationship is okay. These protest behaviors are attempts to restore closeness, but over time they can start eroding the connection you’re trying to protect.
In this episode of The RISE to Intimacy Podcast, I explain why these protest behaviors develop, what they can look like in your sex life, and why they so often create more distance instead of reassurance. I also share three ways to start changing these patterns, so you can ask more directly for what you need instead of waiting to see if your partner passes the test.
1:49 – Why protest behaviors show up, the forms they take, and the neurological paradox they create
4:10 – Tip #1: Notice what’s happening in your body moments before the protest behavior takes over
6:05 – Tip #2: Ask directly for what you want instead of putting your partner through a test to find out
7:27 – Tip #3: Get curious about the real question your jealousy is hiding behind
10:10 – How to respond if you’re on the receiving end of a partner's protest patterns
Mentioned In How Anxious Attachment Shows Up in Your Sex Life
Why Unmet Attachment Needs Sabotage Your Sex Life
How to Stop the Pursue Withdraw Cycle Without Blame
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