🎙️ 𝗘𝗣𝗜𝗦𝗢𝗗𝗘 𝟭𝟵: 𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗥𝗔𝗚𝗘, 𝗔𝗖𝗖𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗡𝗧𝗔𝗟 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 & 𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗪𝗔𝗟𝗞 𝗦𝗛𝗨𝗙𝗙𝗟𝗘𝗦
Welcome back to 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘆 – the podcast where everyday life in Herefordshire somehow turns into printer warfare, accidental declarations of love, naked tennis and two women getting unnecessarily angry about people who can’t walk in a straight line. 😂
This time, Kerry and Pauline are tackling some of life’s great unanswered questions…
Why are printers apparently designed by people who hate us? Why can two perfectly functioning adults suddenly lose the ability to walk when approaching each other on a pavement? And just how do you recover after accidentally telling your estate agent – or your brand-new employee – that you love them?
Spoiler alert: 𝗻𝗼𝗯𝗼𝗱𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗮𝗻𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗿𝘀. 🤣
🖨️ 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗣𝗥𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗥 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗛𝗘𝗟𝗟
Pauline bought a new printer.
It promised to be easy to set up.
𝗜𝘁 𝘄𝗮𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁.
What follows is approximately ten hours of instructions, internet connections, disconnections, blank pieces of paper, helpful friends, IT expertise and an increasingly furious Pauline threatening to launch the offending machine up the garden. 😂
Even Amazon’s perfectly reasonable troubleshooting suggestions eventually receive the verbal equivalent of 𝗗𝗢 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗧𝗔𝗟𝗞 𝗧𝗢 𝗠𝗘.
But there is some good news – Terry comes to the rescue, a replacement is firmly refused, and Pauline discovers she is far from alone in owning a printer that appears to have absolutely no interest in printing anything.
Technology: making our lives easier since… apparently never. 🖨️🔥
🎪 𝗟𝗔𝗞𝗘𝗙𝗘𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗥𝗦 𝗥𝗘𝗨𝗡𝗜𝗧𝗘!
Thankfully, it hasn’t all been printer-induced fury.
The Lakefesters got back together for a reunion involving food, laughter, memories and plenty of ideas about how Lakefest could be improved next year.
Whether Lakefest actually wants these suggestions is another matter entirely. 😂
Plans are already forming for a proper camp next year, when everyone will return older, wiser and looking, in Pauline and Kerry’s words, like 𝗮 𝗹𝗼𝗮𝗱 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗽𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝗮 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗵.
Festival chic. ✨
🚶♀️ 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗦𝗜𝗗𝗘𝗪𝗔𝗟𝗞 𝗦𝗛𝗨𝗙𝗙𝗟𝗘
You’re walking towards somebody.
You move left.
𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 move left.
You move right.
𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 move right.
Suddenly two grown adults are performing an unplanned dance routine in the middle of the pavement.
Welcome to 𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗦𝗶𝗱𝗲𝘄𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗦𝗵𝘂𝗳𝗳𝗹𝗲. 💃🕺
Kerry and Pauline investigate this strangely universal phenomenon and discover that Pauline has spent years blaming other people for wandering into her personal space… only to face the horrifying possibility that 𝗣𝗮𝘂𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗯𝗹𝗲𝗺. 😳
Meanwhile, Emma has developed her own solution: if the shuffle starts looking like a dance, 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗶𝗻𝗴.
And Christine? Well, apparently the rules change completely if the person approaching happens to be a handsome man.
Then it’s less “avoid collision” and more “𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆.” 😂
🎤 𝗞𝗔𝗥𝗔𝗢𝗞𝗘: 𝗣𝗟𝗘𝗔𝗦𝗘 𝗦𝗧𝗘𝗣 𝗔𝗪𝗔𝗬 𝗙𝗥𝗢𝗠 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗠𝗜𝗖𝗥𝗢𝗣𝗛𝗢𝗡𝗘
There are people who can sing.
There are people who can’t sing.
And then there are people who can’t sing but appear to believe they are 𝗙𝗿𝗮𝗻𝗸 𝗦𝗶𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗮, 𝗞𝗲𝗻𝗻𝘆 𝗥𝗼𝗴𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗧𝗼𝗺 𝗝𝗼𝗻𝗲𝘀 rolled into one.
Kerry has recently endured the latter. At volume. 😬
Cue a discussion about terrible karaoke, questionable singing ability and the relatives of hopeless talent-show contestants who stand backstage enthusiastically declaring, “They’re amazing!”
𝗡𝗼. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝘁.
Sometimes love means telling somebody to put the microphone down. 🎤😂
❤️ 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨, 𝗕𝗬𝗘!… 𝗢𝗛 𝗚𝗢𝗗
Have you ever ended a phone conversation and accidentally said:
“𝗟𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂, 𝗯𝘆𝗲!”
…to somebody you absolutely, categorically, 𝗱𝗼 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲?
Emma has.
Unfortunately, it was her 𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗮𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁. 🏠❤️
Her desperate attempt to recover with “I love the work you’re doing” doesn’t exactly help matters, and now every phone call comes with the inevitable question: 𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗶𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝘂𝘀?
Emma’s response?
She will be 𝗶𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗳𝗹𝗶𝗽𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘀𝗲. 🤣
💘 𝗪𝗛𝗘𝗡 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗢𝗦𝗦 𝗦𝗔𝗬𝗦 “𝗜 𝗟𝗢𝗩𝗘 𝗬𝗢𝗨”
Christine manages to take things one step further.
She interviews somebody.
Offers them the job.
Sorts out what happens next.
Then ends the call with:
“𝗢𝗸𝗮𝘆, 𝗯𝘆𝗲, 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂.”
😳
Cue several weeks of Christine replaying the conversation in her head before eventually explaining herself to her new employee… who claimed not to have noticed.
Which would have been fine.
Except Christine had now explained the entire thing to them, meaning they 𝗱𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 noticed. 😂
Nothing says “welcome to the team” quite like an accidental declaration of love from your new boss.
🥸 𝗔 𝗛𝗔𝗧, 𝗔 𝗠𝗢𝗨𝗦𝗧𝗔𝗖𝗛𝗘 & 𝗡𝗢𝗧 𝗠𝗨𝗖𝗛 𝗘𝗟𝗦𝗘
Another murder mystery in Kat’s garden means costumes, characters and the important question of what everyone should wear.
When Tammy asks about her attire, the suggestion is simple:
A hat.
A moustache.
Apparently Tammy was expecting 𝗮 𝗹𝗶𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗮𝗴𝗲. 😂
And that, naturally, leads straight into…
🍑 𝗡𝗔𝗧𝗨𝗥𝗜𝗦𝗧𝗦: 𝗞𝗘𝗘𝗣 𝗧𝗛𝗘 𝗕𝗜𝗡𝗢𝗦 𝗔𝗧 𝗛𝗢𝗠𝗘
A naturist club in the Forest of Dean has caught Kerry and Pauline’s attention.
Not enough to actually go there, obviously.
The discussion quickly turns to brambles, naked cooking, bare bottoms on chairs and the inexplicable popularity of playing tennis while wearing absolutely nothing.
After their previous undercover surveillance adventures, could this be the next Herefordshire Hearsay investigation?
𝗔𝗯𝘀𝗼𝗹𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁.
The binoculars are staying firmly at home. 🔭😂
📉 𝗔𝗜𝗠 𝗟𝗢𝗪, 𝗡𝗘𝗩𝗘𝗥 𝗕𝗘 𝗗𝗜𝗦𝗔𝗣𝗣𝗢𝗜𝗡𝗧𝗘𝗗
Could the secret to happiness simply be… 𝗹𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀?
Pauline and Kerry think there might be something in it.
Expect nothing and anything remotely decent becomes a lovely surprise!
This leads to birthdays, disappointing gifts, people who don’t turn up when they say they will and, inevitably, Pauline’s adventures in online dating.
There’s the perfectly lovely gentleman who travelled a long way for their date and brought chocolates…
…but turned out to be considerably shorter than expected.
And, of course, we revisit the gentleman with the ponytail – along with that all-important dating consideration:
𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝗹𝘂𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝘆𝗿𝘂𝗽. 😳😂
High hopes indeed.
🏆 𝗦𝗛𝗢𝗨𝗧-𝗢𝗨𝗧 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘!
A big shout-out goes to Terry, who not only bravely entered the battlefield against Pauline’s printer but is also doing some brilliant work as a squash coach at 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗱 𝗥𝗮𝗰𝗾𝘂𝗲𝘁 𝗖𝗹𝘂𝗯. 🎾
The club is supporting 𝗪𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻’𝘀 𝗦𝗾𝘂𝗮𝘀𝗵 𝗪𝗲𝗲𝗸 with free ladies’ coaching, including one-to-one and group sessions, as well as offering junior coaching for youngsters interested in giving squash a go.
A fun, friendly way to meet people, learn something new and get moving.
And Terry deserves an additional medal for spending part of his day trying to persuade a printer to do the one job a printer is supposed to do.
𝗧𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗸𝘀, 𝗧𝗲𝗿𝗿𝘆! 👏
🎧 𝗚𝗥𝗔𝗕 𝗔 𝗖𝗨𝗣𝗣𝗔 & 𝗝𝗢𝗜𝗡 𝗨𝗦!
So whether you’re walking the dog, driving around Herefordshire, avoiding eye contact with an approaching pedestrian, hiding from your printer or desperately trying 𝗻𝗼𝘁 to tell your estate agent you love them…
Pop your headphones on and join Kerry and Pauline for another gloriously random trip through everyday life.
Expect laughter, tangents, inappropriate observations and absolutely no useful advice whatsoever.
And remember: 𝗸𝗲𝗲𝗽 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗹𝗼𝘄.
That way, Episode 19 might seem absolutely brilliant. 😂
🏴☠️ 𝗡𝗘𝗫𝗧 𝗧𝗜𝗠𝗘…
Shiver me timbers! Episode 20 is already looming on the horizon…
We’ll be talking 𝗽𝗶𝗿𝗮𝘁𝗲𝘀, how you like your 𝗰𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗲 and having a go at 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗽𝗼𝗲𝘁𝗿𝘆.
What could possibly go wrong? ☕🏴☠️✍️
Follow 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘆 on Facebook and Instagram so you don’t miss the next episode – or any of the nonsense in between!
🎙️ 𝗛𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗱𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗛𝗲𝗮𝗿𝘀𝗮𝘆 – local life, random conversations and two friends saying the things everyone else is probably sensible enough to keep to themselves. 😂
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