Pinecones, this week I'm talking to JessJess — party producer, president of Mission Control, organizer with the Bonobo Network, and the woman behind Beyond the Rainbow Events, which throws some of the most thoughtfully inclusive parties in the Bay Area. She's also been non-monogamous since high school, survived a marriage that ended in a way I wouldn't wish on anybody, and rebuilt her whole life inside a community that actually showed up for her. This conversation is about kink and parties and rope suspension, but what it's really about is what it takes to believe you're wanted exactly as you are. You don't have to be kinky, poly, or anywhere near a play party for that one to hit.
In this episode:
How JessJess ended up with three boyfriends and a girlfriend in high school, plus a full safer-sex negotiation at seventeen
Why she and her husband said "open relationship" for years, because nobody had handed them a better word
What happens when the person you've loved for twenty years becomes someone you don't recognize
Her first kink party: unicorn hair and a pink strappy outfit in a room full of black and red
Thuddy vs. sting-y impact play, and the scene where she discovered that her body talks
The femdom party where a man volunteered to be her footstool
What emotional play actually is, and how going into an insecurity on purpose taught her to feel jealousy in her body before reacting to it
Why tops sometimes need aftercare too
The sexy dinner party where she was the biggest person in the room and got more attention than anyone else
And how patriarchy sold all of us the lie that only one kind of body gets to be wanted — a lie that has cost every single one of us something
Send this one to the friend who's been quietly wondering whether she's allowed to want more than one person. And send it to the friend who's decided nobody could want her at the size she is right now. JessJess has receipts for both of them.
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