David Carlson was a professional organizer years before they began identifying as polyamorous, but their slutty pansexual ways went back to high school. When they found an opportunity to start fighting for your right to be a slut—or poly, or ENM/CNM, or just a group of people with a tight-knit chosen family who wanna buy a damn house together—they jumped at the chance.
David is now the Campaign Director for OPEN, the Organization for Polyamory and Ethical Non-monogamy. You might have heard news of random cities across the US passing legislation protecting nonmonogamous folks from discrimination. That’s the work David and the team at OPEN are doing every day, and they are gaining ground. It’s an exciting time to be slutty, pinecones!
NOTE: David reached out after this episode was published to make two corrections. First, the laws protecting nonmonogamous people may not be able to be applied to chosen family groups—it’s a gray area right now, and untested. Second, protections were passed in Hazel Park, MI, NOT Ferndale, MI.
In this episode:
- Why David told their high school dates they didn’t want to be exclusive, being labeled a fuck boy, and the pushback they got from boys
- The delicious night David had at 18 that clued them in to being bi (and later, pan)
- Growing up queer in a town of 3,000 on the Oregon coast
- “Not terrible”: how we downplay pleasure we’ve been taught to be ashamed of
- Taking the crumbs: why David ended up in monogamous relationships through their twenties even after being a subversive, nonmonogamous high schooler.
- Omission and small lies, and the cost of managing a partner’s reactions by not telling the whole truth
- Relationship anarchy explained, and why ranking partners can feel so wrong
- The sale of a polycule’s house that got canceled at the last minute
- How one letter to a local DSA chapter turned into a unanimous city council vote
- Seattle, Portland, Olympia, Ferndale, Somerville, West Hollywood and more: where non-monogamous people are now protected
- Plural domestic partnerships, and how a throuple from Portland went to Somerville, MA, to get one
- How patriarchy made romantic relationships the only kind that demands exclusivity
- How feeling politically helpless can stop you from doing anything to make a difference—and how easy it can actually be to do that if you’re willing to write a letter or make a call.
SUPPORT OPEN:
Take OPEN’s 2026 Community Survey (open until Nov 12): https://www.open-love.org/survey
Website: https://www.open-love.org
Donate: https://www.open-love.org/donate
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/openloveorg
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Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/openloveorg
FetLife: https://fetlife.com/OPENnonprofit
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Samia
