What if people-pleasing isn't simply part of your personality—but a pattern you learned in order to maintain connection?
In this episode of The Kelly Healing Project, Kelly sits down with CBT-trained psychotherapist and confidence coach Ludovica Colella for a conversation about people-pleasing, the fawn response, self-abandonment, boundaries, and rebuilding self-trust.
Ludovica explains how people-pleasing patterns can develop early in life, why they can become so deeply connected to our identity, and why understanding where a pattern came from doesn't necessarily mean we'll stop repeating it.
Together, Kelly and Ludovica explore what happens when you've spent so much time prioritizing other people's needs that you lose touch with your own, why healthy relationships can initially feel uncomfortable when you're accustomed to unhealthy dynamics, and why guilt after setting a boundary doesn't automatically mean you've done something wrong.
They also discuss Ludovica's Inner Design framework, the protective parts that can keep old patterns in place, over-explaining, anger and resentment, learning to tolerate other people's disappointment, and the identity shift that can happen when you stop being the “good girl,” fixer, caretaker, or person responsible for keeping everyone happy.
This conversation explores an important part of healing: awareness is powerful, but awareness alone doesn't always create change. Rebuilding self-trust happens when we begin listening to ourselves, honoring our needs, and responding differently to the patterns that once helped us feel safe.
In this episode:
• People-pleasing and the fawn response
• How self-abandonment can hide behind being “nice”
• Why insight alone doesn't always change behavior
• Ludovica's Inner Design framework
• Rebuilding self-trust after years of looking outside yourself for approval
• Why healthy relationships can initially feel unfamiliar
• Setting boundaries without over-explaining
• Guilt, resentment, and anger as information
• Learning to tolerate other people's disappointment
• Who you become when you stop defining yourself through people-pleasing
Connect with Ludovica and learn more about her work at https://lu-cole.com/.
Support the show
Thank you so much for being here and listening today.
If this episode resonated with you, I'd love to stay connected. Visit thekellyhealingproject.com to explore more podcast episodes, coaching, and resources for your healing journey.
You can also reach me anytime at thekellyhealingproject@gmail.com.
Your healing, your growth, and your power truly matter—and I'm so grateful you're here.
